Good Morning Friends!

Everyday as I drive in my car, I think to myself "today is going to be a great day! I am going to let my little light shine like there is no tomorrow. I am not going to let negative energy suck me into a mood of pessimism, I am going to treat people how I want to be treated and for the people who do not reciprocate, I am going to have patience with them and try to kill them with kindness". Then I get in the hustle of my day to day activities of being the woman of the house, full-time punching bag for a big company, and just your average person, who deals with traffic, long lines, bills, etc. Before I know it, my hopes of radiating positive energy go down the drain, and I end my day feeling defeated. I am not depressed......I think that many people have this feeling. I think I have one small thing that we all can do that will change things for everyone dramatically. It is not a new idea and unheard of, but I will re-introduce it in a moment.
First let me tell you that I smile a lot!!! As I look in the mirror, I see lines forming where my smile creates wrinkles from facial expressions. I know that I make many people happy with this and when I think about the compliments that I get, and the "thank-you " comments that I receive and warm attitudes that I feel, I realize that half of what I set out to do really is accomplished, and only when another person, intentionally or not, smears their negative energy onto me do I start to change. I am guilty of this, too. Sometimes I complain, or when something goes wrong with a company, I act impatiently with the first person who I can talk to. I pride myself on not doing this often. I do not do this to simply get my way, I usually do this when I am beyond fed up and "nice" isn't cutting it anymore. However, I need to be more conscious of who I talk to like this, and who I spread my negative feelings towards. I do not know what the other person on the line is going through, I do not know them at all. And when I think about it, I know it is usually not their fault, but I need to vent. When people are angry or hostile towards me when they call in, I often times will do anything to make them shut-up! I will go above and beyond to do things that are soooo not in my reach or job description, often bothering other employees to get the job done, and it is sad that this behavior has to be used for things to get done.
I will say that I am nice to waiters and waitresses and generally everyone that I come into face to face contact with. I understand that they do not cook the food, set the prices and that often times they have heard a ton of people complain about things that they can not do anything about and I do not want to be the cause of even five minutes of their frustration. But when you can not see the person it is harder to do that. (I can not STAND someone who is rude to their servers or doesn't tip decently, that is my ultimate pet peeve. I will de-friend you, or never go out with you again. I think this is a way to determine how someone treats the people who they are closest with, too. If you are rude, unappreciative and disrespectful to people who wait on you, you probably would be to anyone that will let you get away with it. This is major sign of insecurity or the complete opposite.)
I ask of you today, wherever you are, to realize all of this before you deal with the general public. Take the time to put a face with a voice, start out your conversation with a smile or at least with respect- let the person know that you are upset and want your issues resolved, but be kind when doing this before you become a psycho maniac and verbally beat them to a pulp to get your way. If you are in line at the grocery store and it is taking too long, try to smile at least twice to the person who just took forever to ring the person in front of you up. Try to keep in mind that your server does not take orders and cook food, and may have another table who is sooooo demanding that she can not get away from them (if it is a very small section- and no one is there and your food is cold-it is his/her fault. If not, then you have no way of knowing). Where ever you are, try to let the way that you want to be treated influence the way you treat others. The Golden Rule.....it sounds so cliche, because it rings true.
" CONSCIOUSNESS IS EVERYTHING (be conscious of how you treat people) You get what you give, you reap what you sow, you pull in what you put out. These things I know for sure!"- Madonna

A Long Rant. Reception for Dummies

Yes, I am a 29 year old receptionist. Children, this is what happens when you do not put much thought into your career as a child. You say that you want to be a "RockStar, a fireman and a vet". NOPE, gotta pick just one, and deal with it. Or at least go to college for just one thing and then get a somewhat respectable job at a bank that has nothing to do with it. I would have been better off getting a degree in Paranormal Phsychology- as long as it is a four year degree-or a two year degree and become a nurse.

Well, I went to college, but never finished. I guess that is what happens when you act like a grown-up but aren't and get pregnant by a guy who you think you are in love with. Even when I was in college, I didn't know what I wanted to be. I knew what I was interested in, and it fell in the Psychology, Science, Biology fields...HOWEVER, I did NOT want to become a nurse. So, I took a job as a receptionist again when my daughter was young. I was so darn good at it, that I was made an Administrative Assistant AND the receptionist at the same time. Woohoo! Yeah, I can multitask like that. HAHA. Little did I know, that because I still answered the phones, I would always be considered as just the receptionist and in the future, it would be easier to be employed as a receptionist than an Admin. Assistant.

10 years later (from first becoming a receptionist before my daughter was born) I am still a receptionist. The company that I work for now, though, has you do more administrative duties than most receptionists, but you still get looked at like a proverbial idiot who can only answer calls. And people say that I "only got my job because I am pretty" REALLY? THIS JOB? What are pretty people supposed to do if not work as receptionists? Scoop Icecream until they are old and wrinkeled and THEN get solid careers? Well, I am a receptionist- Which is fine, the pay is not bad (not great-hanging up the dream of making 6 figures soon) and I get great benefits. I have some down time (I usually am not bored, however, there is an hour or so during the day where I do like most receptionists and surf the web) and I have great bosses. My co-workers are extremely nice to me (probably out of pitty because I am obviously somewhat mentally challenged to be a receptionist) and I do not have deadlines, work that follows me home, or the constant fear of losing my job because I goofed up.

This is what gets to me: In order to go to the dentist, the doctor, the bathroom, lunch or to stay at home because you have the swine flu, you have to have a backup, and no one wants to do it. So you hold your bladder all day, take tons of vitamins and lose weight. The entire office thinks that I am their assistant. I do not mind helping anyone, and there is not a pecking order in who I help- JUST DO NOT BE DEMANDING, and I will order your supplies, order your cards, arrange your lunch meeting, schedule your appointments, call the vending machine company because the Coke Machine took your last three dollars (if it doesn't work twice, why try again???? Call me dumb, but I wouldn't) call the maintenance company because the A/C is out, the bathroom is filthy, the toilet is overflowing (I know it was you, because I saw you go in and come out alone, and no one else complained before you) sign for the Fedex, U.P.S, postal, postal Express, listen to you cry about your pets, complain about your bosses and salary, book you a conference room and just for the VP's....call and have someone cut down the tree that you need removed at your vacation home. ALL WHILE ANSWERING THE CONSTANT CALLS THAT COME THROUGH. You would think that calls come through and everything goes like this:

Me: Thank you for calling Blippidy Blank Blank, how may I direct your call?

Caller: Elvis Presley, please

Me:Sure, hold please

Elvis Presley: Hello.........................

and that would be the end of it, most of the time...................NOT!

The calls go more like this

Me:Thank you for calling Blippidy Blank Blank, how may I direct your call?

Caller: I have been trying to reach Elvis Presley for 10 years and keep getting his voicemail

Me: Have you left him a message?

Caller: No, I need to talk to him now. Can I just talk to his manager if he is not there?

Me: *thinking "well, you should leave him a voice message because he is always on the phone, so you won't ever get through" but instead I say...

Me: Sure, hold one second.

Then the game of Duck Duck Goose begins where I try to locate the manager, get the manager,who says the call does NOT go to them, then I call the person who the call is supposed to go to but they are not there..................... All of this while notarizing documents, being a gate keeper and buzzing people in the front doors, taking payments,handing out supplies to employees as they come to my desk, answering emails, and booking conference rooms, contacting other Managers to let them know (via I.M) that the person that they are interviewing is here, then letting the person that they are interviewing know that the Manager is on vacation and forgot about them (without letting them know that), all while trying to sound interested as people stop by to shoot the sh*t, hold my pee, and look for the number for ADT because the security settings on the doors wont let employee's in when they swipe their badges, etc, etc, etc. (Did I mention that when someone forgets their badge, I have to stop all of this and let them into wherever they work in the building and then do the same thing for them when they need to go to the restroom,etc?)

I stay pretty busy, so if you think that I am purposely not putting calls through because I just am sitting here filing my nails, you are sadly mistaken-even more so if you think that yelling at me, telling me that you are going to come down and "break legs" if your account issue isn't resolved, or that you are "fed up and will drive from Hawaii to N.C" (good luck) or that you "have family that lives 15 minutes away (I do too, wanna have a picnic?) to do damage" is going to get you your way. All that it is doing is pissing off the one receptionist in the world who actually will send an email to the person who you can not get a hold of, or try to help you get in touch with the right person instead of transferring you to an automated customer service line like most receptionist would. Talk to me with respect, make me feel bad for you or tell me a sob story, but DO NOT get demanding because I am busy, and not required to go the extra mile for you, but will if you act in a decent manner.

The end.

My view on Casey Anthony and what can be done

"In order to be forgiven, you must forgive." This goes through my mind periodically, as I find myself obsessed over poor Caylee Anthony's murder and how her horrible mother got away with it. It wasn't anyone whom I knew, it wasn't my family, and yet I still cannot shake this terrible hate that I have for this woman and what she did. I cannot help but to wish the worst for her. I am still hurt by what the jury agreed upon. I do not think about this non-stop, but if I watch the news or read the papers, it definitely is what I skim the page for and I do listen closer. I still have a hard time seeing Caylee's pictures. I did not know her, but as a mother of two-one girl who is 8 and one boy who is 16 months, it hurts to think of the crime that was done to her. It should hurt any human....but I wonder about mankind now more than ever for some reason and their evil or apathetic hearts. It is not like this is the first child to be treated horribly, this does not mean that I don't still hurt for other murder victims. But in this case, a narcissist walked free- knowing that she outsmarted everyone and that she will profit for something horrible that I feel that she did, but even if she didn't, that she let happen.....or that she failed to do as a mother.
To many people it is water under the bridge by now. Something that should disappear, but to many others it is a terrible terrible tragedy that will not go away easily, without leaving scars of what kind of place America has become. One where a woman can kill her two year old, and then party for 31 days instead of reporting her child missing. I don't even want to go into the rest.
I don't want to beat a dead horse.
I just beg that any of you who read this do not HELP this woman to make more money than she already will. I pray that none of you buy her books, buy magazines that have her interviews, watch her "Made for TV" movie when it comes out, or in any way help her to further profit off of the murder of her child. It may be tempting, but please don't. I know that she will never make a true friend again, and that she will probably use the money to buy drugs or live a lonely terrible life, but I still don't think that this sociopath should profit.
Also, it is no myth that you can be tried and acquitted for a crime in State Court, and then be tried again in Federal Court. It is not double-jeopardy when it is two different entities. (I asked a lawyer yesterday and a friend who studied law). It may or may not happen that she will get tried again (I think we would hear about it by now) and this petition may not do anything, and the jury may claim that they "lack evidence" again, but who knows? A different jury may be the ticket to finally getting justice for this poor sweet girl. Please go here here and sign. It takes two minutes, if that. Please spread the word.

Life's little secrets from your everyday idiot

I am not ever going to be a "Mommy Blogger" not because I don't love being a mother and think that is my most important job, but because (a) I am not a good "blogger" and (B) Mommy is just one huge part of who I am, I still have a little bit else left to me.

I once heard someone say that when you hand over your problems to the Lord you don't know that they have gone until you remember to worry about them. That when you leave your old selfish life behind; you don't miss it. You don't miss your drunken saturday nights, or your hysterical cursing matches with your ex boyfriend. You don't miss the gambeling.You don't miss the drugs you do in only the company of your coolest friends, or the meaningless sex with that married man that you soooooo dont want to live without right now. God's love comes and take the place of that euphoria away, and you actually feel something that leaves you joyous and hoepful instead of hungover or paranoid. You feel something that can't fail you, and won't leave you.

I think for (Most) moms, becoming a mother is the same way (not a close comparison to God's love, bc nothing is on the greater scale.....but as much as we can fathom on earth). For a split second I might miss going out and partying with my friends, or the money I wasted on frivilous things, or the time I had to soak in vanity........but it's a mere second....and it's gone and I smile in my heart bc without a doubt...my children filled my life so much that the need they had for me, pushed out those things I clung onto in youth....and good riddens!

Another life lesson that I have learned is to believe cliches. They are overused because they usually ring true. You cannot fail when you......
Are always prepared.
Live and let live.
Forgive and forget.
Remember that "zebra's cant change their stripes"
misery loves company
hindsight is 20/20
you learn from your mistakes but its best to learn from others
you can't slow down the hands of time
wait until you are ready
go the speed limit
time heals
it's okay to cry
If they dont like you for who you are, they arent worth it
be YOURSELF
do unto others as your would yourself

and the list goes on.............................

I also have recently found truth in the fact that everything dark gets brought into the light at some time. If not in front of a large crowd when you want it, to the person who needs to hear it most, in their own little moment in their own little time. So when you are holding onto regret and anger and resentment, know that " it's like throwing a hot coal at someone"....you still get burned. And often times we hurt more than they do from holding that hot coal for so long. For some reason it takes them a lot longer to recieve it, then it does us for holding onto it, waiting. And it's funny how God orchestrates that. Their is an amazing message in the fact that he knew people were going to deal with resentment and he also knew it left them better then before the event happened that got them upset to begin with when they learned to let it go.
Truth be told, God allows us to go through ugly places, phases and things. In the Bible they called it the Wilderness and he sent the people he loved dearly through the wilderness time and time again. I am sure it heart his heart to see them GO through it, but not to COME OUT OF IT, because it is then that we understand how Faith, Love and Prayer and like muscles taht we have to work out and depend on. You can't do it alone, and when you HAVE FAITH in HIM through the wilderness, it brings him so much joy to walk you out of it.

I'm venting.........please excuse me.

WOW

It has been such a long time since I have been on this site! I am going to make a conscience decision to log in and write, not for you all (because yall dont care- you are better about this than I am -and I am embarrased at my slackness) but for me. I think writting is a catharsis!
SO much is going on. Where do I start. Moved to a new town into a new house that I am still getting used to cleaning up. My son is almost a year old (March 11th) so that means its been a really long time since I have talked with you all! My daughter started 2nd grade and is doing excellent in school. My daughters father and I are going through a custody battle again and that is STRESSFUL to say the least. Lawyers can be bottom feeders! Nick and I still arent married. I cant MAKE him marry me today and although I would like to, I know waiting until the summer is best.
Andrea and I were baptized and I feel like a new woman. I still have my struggles at times, but I cannot explain the feeling that God put into my heart. It's pretty amazing. Ill get more into that later. I just wanted to drop by and say "hello" and hopefully I still have a reader or two to connect with :D

Anyone ever felt "Pregnant and Miserable

Holding a Baby

I held my best friends newborn baby yesterday for the first time,and I almost cried! She looked at me like I was strange,but "ohmyGod" My heart was beating out of my chest! This precious little person, this miniture human,stole my breath away as I held her naked (diapered body) against my chest. I cradled her precious little head in my hand,and I felt like I was home! It was sudden. Heather was changing her diaper and outfit,and the doorbell rang. She handed her to me,quickly, without notice for the first time,and I didnt want to let go.
It took me back to where I SHOULD have been when my daughter was born. Dont get me wrong,I had those feelings,but they came with time,after fear and lack of confidence left. If someone would have just handed her to me, like "here,take her"...I wonder if I would have not been so scared. Maybe I should have held more babies,but I don't think that mattered, I was just scared and unsure. Being so young has it's positives and negatives.
As I held that newborn beauty,(she reminded me of the cutest little monkey I had ever seen!!!) I wanted to breath her in! I remember feeling that way when Andrea was about 2 weeks old,when I could actually breath again. I remember knowing what it felt like for my heart to be so bare and naked and exposed that I understood what it meant to have it outside of my chest. But for the first few weeks, I was just too paranoid and scared. I was terrified,I didn't think I was qualified. I did until I saw her beautiful little face after delivery,and I remember (probably post-pardum depression induced)thinking, "Did God make a mistake? How could a fool like me, someone so unworthy,be granted this responsibility?" I walked on pins and needles and rarely slept,because I was too scared to miss something. This time around,with Nolan...I am happy to have the experience,and although I am sure I will still feel unworthy,I am excited to have a little more confidence when they first hand him to me. Those little moments count so much!

Men need Filters!!!

I am not a naturally pretty girl. SURPRISE! It doesn't take a ton to be presentable,but I do not wake up,shower, blowdry my hair and go. I need styling products,and a round brush,special conditioners,and a flat iron. After that I need something to tame the frizzyness. I could walk around without makeup, but everyone asks if I am sick. I am very irish, so my skin isn't pale,but another surprise...IM WHITE! Not olive,tan or rosey...yellowish,white,and dark circles show up under my eyes. I need AT LEAST powder,blush mascara and eyeliner to walk out of the house comfortably. I have to go to the gym. I like to have color of some sort,even if it is a faux tan. THAT IS JUST ME. I don't mind,because I am happy with the end result, but pregnancy adds new challenges to my daily rituals. I'm anemic,so dark circles and pale face is something I have gotten used to, so in order to go out and look healthy, I need more blush,bronzer,and concealor. No faux tanning,and I'm advised NOT to exercise,so........I don't FEEL pretty. Nick called me "ugly" today,supposable joking. I don't get the humor. I'm normally like "whatever" to that type of thing,but right now...I FEEL UGLY! I don't know whether to crawl under a rock,or kick him in the face! UGHHHH! Why can't men just watch their mouths like we do? Do I tell him if his breath stinks,or his shirt make his new growing gut look big, NO! Do I tell him that I hate his cologne,that he thinks smells sooooo great? NO...maybe I should! Nope, because we as women are better than that. God gave us filters!!! Thankfully, so now I dont feel like a pompous ass, like he probably does as he sits alone in the other room.

Junior's Cheesecake

Has anyone ever been to Juniors Cheesecake in Brooklyn. I try to stay away from Brooklyn....and up North all together. I went to NYC once and not only were people terribly rude to me and did not say "good morning" or "hello" in return when I said so while walking down the street,but the sales clerks weren't even nice,and someone stole my camera and ran off with it. I did however meet a really nice "tap" dancer (or at least she called herself that,because she tapped nude on some stage) in a really popular Italian Resteraunt where Garfield was created.(dang it,what was the name of that resteraunt?). I wasn't really impressed. Not so much that I would travel back. But, I may actually make a trip out to Brooklyn for Junior's Cheesecake,IF THEY WERENT SO KIND AS TO DELIVER, or should I say "ship" it to your house for $41! Hey, but it's a whole pie! I am dying for a piece now. I saw it on tv, and my mouth started watering the way a dog's does as it stares at you with no pride in front of the dinner table! Has anyone ever had one of these pies (or even a slice?) bc I am going to be one pissed off preggo lady if I order a forty buck pie and Sarah Lee does it better!

Why I Wear a Mask

As many of you know,I am pregnant,and a full time student (which kinda blows) who is about to drop my intermediate math (its basically an L.D math class) because it is too hard. I am however doing well at my other courses. In one class I had to write a relationship essay, dealing with personal addiction or a daily ritual. This was going to be tough.
I learned early on that in writting,you often write about what you can support,or have knowledge of, not necessarily what is true or what you really feel. I could write a lot about an addiction to heroine or Meth. although I have never done either,I could find a lot of info on the net to write about and support clearly. That would be interesting too. Everyone would love reading about how they are in class with a junkie...but since I am pregnant and dont want DSS called, I had to rule out drugs,alchohal,and for self-respect,ciggerettes. So what does that leave me? Coffee (taken)and excercise. Can't be too addicted,I am about to have the baby in class. So, I wrote about makeup. Hey,it's not necesarilly an addiction,but it is a daily ritual that is not hurting anyone (ok,you tree huggers. Picket somewhere else,I went to a Paul McCartney concert too,and felt like a murderer then,so save it). Is it superficial and shallow,yes, Clever,no. But, oh well. I could support my topic. Now, if the bitch would just grade it so I can breath again!
I started it with a quote from The Princess Bride that says " Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid or something? Oh, no. It's just that they are terribly comfortable. I believe that in the future,everyone will be wearing one.
Then I go on to talk about my daily ritual as though it is a mask, or face transplant,never really saying that it is "makeup", and I talk about the love hate relationship I have for it,and how I feel uncomfortable without it. How I can't vacation without bringing it with me,and how it can be a source of comfort and stress for certain things that I do in life. If I could copy and paste Word 2010 (its a trial,dont get all jealoous) to this stupid blog I would,but just like with math,I guess I am computer LD,as well.
Ciao for now!

Let me try this...um..."I'm a redneck WOMAN" yehaw???? Believe me? GOOD!

Nick found a house in Dallas! Not Dallas, Texas...not not that sophisticated. Dallas, NC!!! I don't know if many of you have heard about GASTON COUNTY, or ever heard of GASTONIA, NC...but if you haven't, you are missing much, besides a few good laughs.Dallas, NC is on the border of Gastonia.

Ahhh, Gastonia! Where "Sweet Home Alabama" plays loudly as though the residents might somehow really believe that they live in Alabama, because they are so drunk that they dont know where or who they are from drinking BUSCH beer since they dropped out of 2nd grade. Where Dental work is done with pliers,The Flea Market is like Rodeo Drive,and people bleed SUNDROP! I have not heard of many people make it out of Gastonia and onto "greener pastures",well accept Jamie Pressley, who can probably credit her believable role of "JOY" on MY Name Is Earl, to living in this town,and knowing a few "Joy's" in her time!

You just dont know a redneck unless you travel to Gastonia!And who doesn't think they know one or two?

Well, obviously Nick doesnt. Charlotte is growing soooo rapidly that many of it's Natives,move to the outskirts,and Dallas has not developed too rapidly,land is cheap,and it's only around 20 miles North of downtown Charlotte, so Nick and many of his co-workers have set their eyes on this area!

(Note: This being the reason Gastonia now has a Pier 1 and a Panera Bread. Natives of the GAS HOUSE, know nothing of either)

Well, my lovely Nick found us a darling houseplan and has picked up the necessary paperwork today to start construction.....oh, if he only changes his mind. I love the house, I love the neighborhood and land,and more than anything, I'd love to move before Nolan arrives, but............. do I know what I am getting myself into. That is the question! Oh, or "does he". Nick likes to Fish...I think he thinks that is redneck enough to fit in...boy does he have another thing coming.LOL

All I need to do to fit in (like I care to try), is bake at the tanning bed,get a few cup sizes bigger in implants,and walk around barefoot in the yard with a baby on my hip (oh and acrylic nails and Marlboro Lights)...Nick, he is in a world of a surprise. How funny!

Next time I get asked "What animal would you be" I am going to say "BEAR"!

Ha Ha, I just lost a follower or too! That's funny,bc I dont write much, but I am sure it had something to do with the "I dont like outsourcing" Blog. Sorry, I dont. I dont like old drivers,either.IF you're physically unable to put your foot on the gas hard enough to go over 25,or cant SEE THE SPEED LIMIT, your liscense should be revoked! If that statement pisses you off,feel free to "stop following" also. Good riddens! :)
Anywho, back to the topic. If someone ever asks (which I don't know why they would) "if you could be any animal,what would it be?" ever again, I will think twice before saying"a tiger...RARRRR" in my sexy voice,ever again!!! I will instead answer.."A BEAR!".
Why a bear? Because they hybernate! Cold weather and during PREGNANCY, that is what they DO ! I cant really sleep right now, but BOY IF I COULD! I love babies, but I don't like pregnancy all that much, but I love sleep.I dont dig cold weather,ecspecially in the Carolinas (ppl cant drive if an inch of snow meets the ground and flood the grocery stores like Hurrican Hugo is going to hit again)..I'd def sleep through that if I could. Oh,yeah!

Monday Tirades

Okay, this makes me sound VERY rude,and small minded,and "politically incorrect", but you have to excuse me. I'm from the south andI either dont know any better,or am too backwards to fake that I care! (as any one who even TRIES to argue this,does)
I am soooooooooooooo sick of the companies that I chose to buy products from,outsourcing their CUSTOMER SERVICE jobs to other countries. Sprint,and now HP!!! If I am having a problem with my computer, to the point where I am calling and waiting on the phone for 30 minutes....I WANT TO UNDERSTAND THE PERSON WHO I EVENTUALLY GET A CHANCE TO TALK TO!!!!
....who are the companies REALLY thinking about when they outsource these jobs? We all know it isn't the well being of the prospects wanting employment, but .....are they thinking about their customers either?

Baby, I'm BACK!

<----This a picture of my big preggo belly! I am in the pantry at Nicks momma's house. I dont like taking preggo pics because I am vain and superficial,so this may be as good as it gets for a while. :D

So much has happened recently, that I do not know where to begin!

I'm having a boy named "Nolan Grey" in early March. So excited!

Andrea is losing all of her teeth, or so it seems and is trying to take all of my money for them. What the heck am I gonna do for these teeth. Whoever came up with the idea of a tooth fairy, had a money tree,and a slight case of lunacy!

I lost my job...but whatever. I get UNEMPLOYMENT, along with half of the town I live in,and I cant think of a better time,than when you are pregnant as all get out,and cant sleep. Or when you have a beautiful newborn....and cant sleep.

BTW...What's up with the pregnancy induced insomnia? Really. I read somewhere that it is your body's way of getting you prepared for the loss of sleep when you have a newborn. Really? How freakin' nice!!! I personally dont like the way my body "tells" me things that far into the future. That's like giving old people constant mini-strokes to "prepare" them for the real thing. Um......."no thanks"!

Oh...and the same goes for the Braxton Hicks "practice" contractions that are so intense that you almost wet yourself. I can do without...and I am sure the triage nurses at the Maternity wards could too.

Anywho......what was I saying (pregnancy brain....as if I wasnt flighty enough)

Oh....I lost my job, but make out better, because of travel expenses and also because I am .....ABLE TO GO BACK TO COLLEGE!!!! Yay! I am taking the courses needed to start nursing school and I AM FREAKIN' ECSTATIC!!! I'll tell you more about this later.

But anyways, I wanted to update ya, like you really cared. You will be hearing from me a lot in the near future! Muah!!!!

Baby Names

I need ideas for boys and girls. I know,I know...I have 5 months, but time FLIES! So.....any ideas?

Food Baby

I am f**king BLOATED, as hell today. This is retarded! Not in a good,Fergie way-RETARDED IN A REALLY strange way that does not make sense. I do not recall feeling this way with Andrea, at all. I didnt show until I was 4 months. Now...I am 6 weeks, Ive gained like almost 10 pounds and need maternity pants. WTF!
It's okay that I gained 10 pounds. I needed to gain at least 5, and then my jugs probably weigh 3 pounds each right now. Plus, Im supposed to gain like 5 pounds this trimester, so the way I look at it, it's okay. I still looked okay in my gym clothes.........that was UNTIL I swelled up in my abdomen like a pissed blowfish! OMG, this blows!
My doctor is a perv. I mean I can't prove he is a perv, but Nick got a strange vibe (which he thinks all male gynecologists are pervs) and then I know a few ppl who went to him. If the general concensous is that he is a freak-show, and he gave me the creeps, then I think I need to switch docs. He looks like a gay cross between Mr.Bean and PeeWee Herman. Eww
My skin and hair are kinda gross right now. I shower and all, but honestly, I dont see the point if I am going to have mid-day oil slick, what the HELL is that doing for my baby?Really? Shouldnt my body be storing this for lube for the day I deliver? Gross, I know-but I am just saying.
On a lighter note, Andrea comes back on Friday and I am stoked. I miss my lil munchkin! God, do I!!! I just want her prescence to be felt in the air. Life is soooo dull without her.
I want to tell her, but I think I should wait. But then again, I dont know. If I had a miscarriage, that would be a lot for her to handle, but I am overly eager to see the joy on her face, and count down with her.
By the way, Im dressing UBER tacky!~

No More Baby Blues

Although I am not prepared (in the least) I am expecting a second child in March! (explains my "moodiness") I am scared,exited, and shocked-all at the same time!

So........hear is some "Free Advice" : Don't always believe your doctors. When they tell you that you may have to have invetro, remember that GOD has more control over those things, and will prove them wrong, probably just for giggles (warm,fuzzy, "I know what's best" giggles)

WOW!

It has been over a month since I have written! Wow, where has my mind been? I have "facebooked" myself out, but have not had one thing that was "good" enough to put into words, or so I thought. At this point, I am just going to write how I feel about random things.

It may be a big pile, but "hey, it is what it is". My thoughts are kind of jumbeled up lately!

Okay, so my daughter is gone to her fathers. I miss her TERRIBLEY, and have finally stopped crying. I wanted to save money while she was gone, but I didnt.....actually I am BEHIND on my bills. I swear, it's really sad, because I have nothing to show for it but a gut,love handles, and a cup size.

Thanks to all of the icecream that I have eaten.

I miss her, but I have a lil more time to save, if I stick to a budget (ugly word) before she gets home.

Having your child go on vacation may seem relaxing, but its really bittersweet. Really (duh)

I cut all of my hair off and it is what it is. I am not happy about it, but it feels like a weight is lifted off of my shoulders, and is actually a lil easier to maintain.

Michael Jackson died, (incase you have been hybernating). I have looked at a lot of people really differently since this incident. Okay, we know that he was a few sandwiches away from a picnic. Okay, he pretty much was just the basket and a bottle of water, and a few crumbs from years ago....but still. I feel soooo bad for him. I really thought (even during the trial) that he was a lost, tortured soul, that had bonds with children and animals because those were the only things he could trust, and he was right. Look how we (the media) scrutinized him. I just dont feel right about pointing the finger in blame when the WHOLE world is doing the same, and my heart tells me that there was more. I could be wrong, and for those who have said "and OJ is innocent, too-right". No, absolutly not (at least I dont feel that way). OJ didnt display the strange types of behavior that MJ did to make you believe that he had the mind of someone who was not BAD, but lost. OJ was angry, but I dont think that MJ was a molester, I think he was taken advantage of. What parent dangles there children in front of someone in question for millions? And you all saw him on the interview. He didnt think there was anything wrong with sleeping in the bed with his "friends". Not that it is right, but I think he was naive.The parents werent. Harm my child, and no money (although Id take that TOO) would be enough! Your ass would get locked up, before you could ever harm another soul.

Farrah Fawcett died as well (so did a few other celebrities, such as Ed Mcmahn (ms),etc). I didnt know anything about her, and was not a fan (I did looove her hair though) but her personal story was very touching. I cried the WHOLE entire time.

My job is driving me looney. Not "my job" but many of the people. It is like I am damned if I do,damned if I dont. I love many of the subs, and like some of the people I work with, but I swear, the economy is soooo bad, that many of the calls thatI get are soooooo ridiculous. I cant help but to feel angry when I get them, but afterwards,at night, I am struck with guilt and compassion for these people. Many of them have to call us LIKE CRAZY asking RANDOM questions about ANY jobs, even ones they dont know the names of and I cannot direct them to the right people bc they are as desperate for work as you can be, and I thank the LORD that I am not in that place. I need to ACT more compassionate instead of like a little snot, because that could be me and my child, and God knows that I would have it worse off than they do.

My parents are facing homelessness right now, and while I feel soooo guilty, they have made decisions time and time again that have led them to this place (my mother had a job last year and she quit because they made her sweep..............OMG). My poor dad is trying sooo hard, and would never ask me for a penny. But my mother hints, and makes me feel bad. I have paid bills for them in the past and right now, I cant-so............I dont know whether to change my numbers or deal, bc any time that I talk to my mom, it is the same thing, and although I tell her that I cant deal with it, she calls me, and weasels how bad is it into the conversation. Like I said, I want to help, I really do. It kills me not to, but I have my own family to take care of now, and I dont know how much longer I will be on my feet. The future is uncertain!

I am taking college courses soon to get my feet headed in the right diretion. I look at paralegal jobs and I make more than they do, without a degree, but I think its the "education" that I need, so *wish me luck*

Sorry if this wasnt "uplifting". Ill try in a few days ;)

Burritos and pajamas

I am really sad that I cannot workout. I am sooo packing on the pounds and on top of that, am getting really tired and anemic feeling, and they say that exercsing is BAD for Anemia but GOOD FOR everything else.OOOOOOOh, how contradictory!

I am loving some FAKE-mexican food lately. I really dont like real mexican, its tastes dirty to me, but FAKE mexican (like Quodoba and On The Border) Ahhh. love them~!

Anyone have any tips on how to raise my iron REALLY quick so that I can get into the gym???? It would be greatly appreciated!

I am a "thin Cyster" Get it...Sister, Cyster? Bahahahhhha! ok-not really

I told myself that I would not be a blogger who blogs about one topic all of the time, and expects for people to give a rats ass. I am sure you all dont really want to read about the same damn thing everyday, right??? Ok, well....from the looks of things, you do. I know I do. I didnt think I did, but I keep going back to read about a woman who mostly writes about Renovating Her Brooklyn Limestone for ideas. It was refreshing to find out that Infertile Myrtle doesnt always talk about infertility, and her blogs are pretty amazing. I have already written about my stupid health problems (God knows that I feel like an old bat talking about them) but the more I read about my disease/problem,thorn in my side...whatever you want to call it, the more I want to share the news, and maybe helped and be helped by other women who have it.
I have told you before that I suffer from P.C.O.S.
Doctors still dont know much about P.C.O.S and if you find a doctor wo does, he/she is worth moe than her weight in Gold, really.
I read about P.C.O.S two years ago, and knew that it was what was wrong with me. I actually "stumbeled upon" this name while reading a Womens Health mag. I went to see doctor after doctor, even some of the "best" in my area. The last visit I had from a OBGYN "specialist" told me..."you are too thin to have P.C.O.S, and the hairs arent prominent enough". REally, lady....I am sorry that I have to tweeze every morning, and hd work today before coming in. If that had not been the case, I would have grown a full beard to prove it to you!" The thought of doing that, or the fact that my body could POSSIBLY (I dont know, never tried) do that...makes me want to cring and cry at the same time. Like I said, I have never gone a day without tweezing, so I dont know what could happen, but I do know that it is NOT normal. My boyfriend can tell you.
Truth be told, that in order to be diagnosed with P.C.O.S, you only need three symptons. You may not be overweight, you may not even have cysts, all you need are three underlying symptoms, and going to see a doctor who knew her shit, was well worth it to me!
I dont want to become pregnant again. I have no urge to ever mother another child. Its not that I dont love children, I do...its just that I realize how hard being a parent is, and I worry about and have such a bond with my daughter that I dont ever want to share that. I know that if I were to have more children, that it would come naturally to me, but I just can't imagine not playing favorites with her, even though...like I said, I am sure Id love them equally.
I understand how painful it must be to be told that you CANT have children though. I love not always having my period and not having to worry with birth control, but I understand that to many women, this is a curse, not a perk!
I tried to take birth control for these painful cysts, and it was hell. Id rather be in pain. (by the way, Andrea was a miracle. All children are, but she was sent down to me because I asked, over and over. I didnt want to have more than one child, I just wanted one girl. I wanted her so bad, at a young age, because I think sub-conscoulsly....I knew that she would save me, and that she would be the only person who could teach me how to love unconditionally.She did! Like I said...I learn more from her than she does from me. I could teach her 15 different languages and she could be a math wiz at 8, but still-I learned more from her by the time that she turned 2, than any teacher could EVER teach her.)
Anyways back to what I was saying, many women are concerned about this disease because of the problems it causes trying to become pregnant. I, however am more shallow, and only concerned about the physical effects that it has, and the pain that it causes.
I have taken Metformin, Spironolatone,etc, and have had terrible side effects. Does anyone else want to share theirs?