Happy Birthday Andrea!!!

On this day, 6 years ago, at 7:11 am, I was given the most precious gift I could ever recieve.
Andrea Jadyn!!!
I will never ever forget that day! It forever changed not only my life, but me!!!
I thought about writing a letter to her a few days ago, so that she could read it years from now and know all about how blessed I am to have her in my life, and what she was like at 5-6 years old. I may do this every year. Here goes!

Dear Andrea,
You are turning 6 years old today, and I can't believe you are growing up so fast. I regret that I do not take more pictures and that I havent in the past. You would not BELIEVE how much you have grown! I think back about it, and remember all of your little saying "we gurls" and habits, and your vibrant spirit and it makes my heart melt!
You have always been a very easy child to raise. You don't have any extreme fears, you never said curse words, and you were rarely sick. No broken bones, no huge accidents, and that is probably part my fault for being on top of you all of the time. I will try to give you a little more space.
You always have had your own sense of "style" -"ohhh, FFFFassssshion!" (was a lil thing you would always say, when you saw something you thought was cute!) and sense of self. While you love Hannah Montana, you much prefer Cher, and often ask me questions about Sonny and her. Did she make good grades in school,etc. You like all children at this age, love macaroni and cheese, but your taste for hummus and guacomole is a bit different...and I like that!
You love movies, ecspecially with animals, but it amazes me how you love "The Divine Secrets of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood" and "Fried Green Tomatoes". You are so young and innocent, but still have a mature nature to you.
When we lay down to watch movies, you caress my arm, or play with my hair. You have a very nuturing part of your personality. I try to be this way with you, and most of the time you let me, but sometimes you want to be the nuturing type. Ask "how was your day, Momy" before I get a chance, and you tell me that you "love me more" constantly. You do this with all of the people you love, and it is so sweet. I get sad sometimes thinking about your teen years, and you outgrowing this loving stage. I guess I should just hold on to it as long as I can.
Soon, you wont want to sleep in the bed with Mommy :(
You loooove animals and are very sensitive to them and their needs. Most children are, but I have never met a child who was drawn to all different types of animals as much as you. I cant wait to get you a dog, but right now I am waiting to move.
You looooove to read, and do so much better than the rest of your class. While you excell in academics, you arent drawn to atheletic things, and prefer doing somethin creative and crafty. You color beautifully, and always in the lines!
I just love everything about you, and am so proud and lucky to call you my daughter and BEST FRIEND!
xoxo,
Love,
Mommy!!!

Gravity Hill, or more

Growing up, I had heard of hills where you could put your car in neutral, and your car would move uphill. The story is always the same " small children were hit in a bus, and if you put baby powder on the back of your car, you can see fingerprints where they moved your car out of the way, so the same would not happen to you". I never had visited such a place, but thought of it as an "urban legend".
When I moved in with Andrea's Father, one night he took me to Richfield Rd, where he showed me, Gravity Hill! I was exited and scared, and like- "ohh,ahhh" about it" but afterwards, he assured me that it was a magnetic field, and nothing but an optical illusion.
The myth is just as I stated above, same exact story.
I forgot to mention that when Vicki and I took Andrea and the dog camping,that I showed her Gravity Hill.
It was sooo easy to find, you really can not miss it, the only thing that is different, is that for many many years, the words "start" and "stop" were spray painted on the road (there are not very many of these in existence) in bright letters, now there is grafity all over the road. IT's like a mean trick the local kids have pulled to make you look harder for the "start" line.

I noticed before we got to the rolls in the hills, that on our right was a street where a small schoolhouse was years ago, before the newer schools had been built, so it makes sense that the wreck would happen where it was rumored to, and how.
When we found the starting point, our car moved, and I enjoyed seeing the reaction on Vicki's face, I was calm, until....her "ever so calm" almost lazy while in the car, got half way in the front seat,until our car was at the finish line. No exaggeration!
I just wonder if dogs are sensitive to magnetic fields. IF they felt something we didn't. No matter how slow we went, from that point on, her dog never reacted the same way.
No hairs on back were standing up, but you could tell this dog felt something. I swear, even when alone with one of us, this dog prefers being in the back. It has a dog bed and everything. Strange that it almost jumped in our laps, for the duration of the "ride".
If the spirits of the small children, were really pushing us out of the way (a story I still cant help but doubt) then Casey (the dog) definitely SAW them.
While I dont know about the spirit thing being true, (how can the same story take place in so many different places???)I dont necessarily believe the logic behind it being an optical illusion anymore either. Supposedly, it looks uphill, but while your car is in neutral you are really going downhill. I think if you were to walk this road, you'd feel that it was uphill.
Click HERE for more Gravity Hills

Just a glimpse of Andrea's new table. Work in progress.

I am about to LOOOOOOOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! WARNING....569 curse words that dont make sense together!!!!

Ok, so here goes. I am a total BITCH today, and maybe letting off a little bit of steam will help me to turn this "Psycho Woman" attitude around. Please BEWARE, you may not want to or even be able to understand ALL of my RANTING. Caution:Read atyour own risk! By doing so it, It may be hazardeous to your mood as well.
Just saying!
#1- Whoever says "PMS is not real" is full of shit. Up to their eyebrows in it! I am living proof that it is real, as real my 7th grade P.E teachers saggy boobs . I have had my stupid, universally hated,and plain old annoying, Aunt Ruby visit me 3 times in the past 6 weeks. To be honest with you, I wish this BITCH would just stay home, or at least give me a "friendlier" warning to let me know she is coming my way. The first time I was a bitch and had massive cramps, the second time (last week) I could barely notice her existence. This time,she wasn't expected, but boy was I EVIL TO The CORE Saturday and Sunday!!!! I mean EVIL! And today, well lets put it this way, not only did I contemplate putting myself on Craig's list to be married off to a wealthy old man,because I am "too stupid to work, at any job" but I am also "aging, and if you're a dumbass then you have to look good, and with neither of those.....boo hoo" and then I started crying.

Then I decided to not pick up Nicks calls, but later called him, and told him to "put himself in my shoes and see how he felt". Well, he obviously doesn't know either A-where my shoes are located, or B-they don't fit...because he can't. He told me to "grow up"! GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!! That alone, made me (excuse me for seeming like a maniac for saying this) picture myself beating him in the head, violently with this copy (that the Hag Donna gave to me, when I first started- how nice!) of THE COMPLETE OFFICE HANDBOOK.
Now, on top of that, I have people calling me ALLLLLL day, asking for one of my owners (who wouldnt give me the answer to the questions that everyone is prying me for, because I am apparently "too stupid" to relay a message) and when I say "he isn there" or "is busy" or "is avoiding your fucking calls ,so sit on hold you loser!!!!" (I've thought about saying it)...they all want to know, "well I was calling (I dont give a shit WHY you were calling, just how to get you to the right person, one way or another) to see if you were bidding on the Fort Marlow (dont even go into the full name, ASSHOLE I have other calls coming through) Winston Cemetery (yep,there you go) in Cincinnati, (please tell me what state because I am a raging FUCKING lunatic, who doesnt already know)Ohio?" My answer "Yes, we are"...then the man with the very country accent goes on to ask "could you tell me how many square feet of----(at this point I am thinking "no, dickweed!!! If I could, do you think my lame ass would be sitting here listening to you douche bags all day, and looking up phone numbers in the yellow pages for every Tom, Dick, and Harry.....like I work for the FUCKING phone company( part of my job description?? no...especially not for people who do not EVEN WORK AT OUR COMPANY!!!!) It must be universally known that "there is this ex-blond dipshit working at the front office of ------------ who willl be anyones bitch if you ask her"" ) Anyways............I answer by stating "I dont know, you'll have to talk to ____ would you like his VM? " Over and over and over. What really gets my gut is when they start off by telling me "Hi, my name is Luther Van Dross from Omaha Hospital and I am calling for Skipper". I dont need all that. I can tell if you are legit by the way you ask for Skipper, and while you were giving me your life history two other lines rang, more than two times,and that is no good!!! See, if you were a sales person, you would start off by saying "Hi, how are you today?" (because no one of importance gives two flying shits how I am doing today! I dont write checks....so go back to being your normal assholish self, pecker head!) that's how I know that you arent a sales person. By the way that you say "hEy, where is Skip.....or Is Skip in the office? " I know who you are, as n importance to my Boss, so save the nice b.s....and dont give me your name until I ask.
Oh, and BigD...how about instead of making such a big stink about going to lunch AFTER me, so you can come back 30 minutes late all of the time, and no one notices,try treating someone how YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED! but no....You are incapable of doing that! I know bc as soon as I get out of the car( if I am 5 minutes late, you're standing at the front door tapping your navy blue Aeresole!!! But if I am ON TIME, you don't leave until your damn good and ready!OMG, I just rushed MY ASS OFF TO GET HERE ON TIME (a.k.a eating my lunch in the car)so next time, BE FUCKING READY TO HAUL YOUR SAGGY ASS TO McD's, because "time is of the essence" and even though my BOSS'S dont see or care how you maneuver everything to YOUR liking, KARMA does, and it will sneak up on your persnickety ass!
Oh, and one more thing Big D....."Thanks a lot for all of your help with the safty manual for one of our owners, who thinks I just fell off the turnip truck!You retyping the logos on the first 3 pages, and reading over my work, really was hard work..Even HARDER I BET, was trying to pass all of my work off as your own, after you watched me scan over 500 pages,rename them (into something that worked becauseyour idea, no bloody good-all out of order) and print, while M.D was printing out personal emails in between all of my pages, and then after I got the printer to print mine on one side of the machine, and everyone else on the other, M.W had a fit because he didnt like the side his stuff was coming out of and messed mine all up again, so I had to refill the printer ONCE again-which ppl get all bent out of shape when there is no paper, pardon the fact that I just printed out 1000 pages for Big.D, and reprint the manual (which did waste tree's but so did whats-his -faces personal emails, who needs to print that dumb shit out anyways?). After I finished, I tired to ask a random question to hint to Mr.Boss that I was the working hands behind this (he who gives themselves credit, doesn't get it later, I know... I was desperate) and came up with a question so stupid that it only gave proof to him that I was a proverbial idiot. Later I decided instead of handing it back to you (to nitpick and take pages out, and pretend like something was wrong that wasnt just to make me work hard (yep biatch, the last copies you told me werent supposed to be in there, I saved in my desk- so this time when you said that they did-it didnt confuse me, I had them and that was quick fix) I went to Mr.Boss himself and told him that if "I screwed it up, please fire me, because obviously my mother was unaware of the fact that she raised a retard, and I am wasting my time working when there is a disability check waiting for me downtown." He actually smiled and said, "you said it not me". ha ha

Can someone tell me the recipe for Marilyn Monroe's sandwich at the Stage Deli?

Some people claim she had no real talent, and that she is "played out". Others are still in awe of this woman almost 50 years after her death. What is it that makes the legend of Marilyn Monroe not dim?

You still see her name in the papers, and The Biography Channel seems to do a piece on her frequently. IF I bought ever single book (that usually said the same exact things about her) that came to Barnes and Nobles each year, I'd go broke.

I know her life story (or what she left behind of it) by heart. I was obsessed with this starlight as a girl (not knowing it was the "cool" thing to do. I also read up on Jayne Mansfield) and I can not help but to wonder..."What makes Marilyn Monroe's light never dim out"? Her estate is making more now than EVER (who would she leave an estate too? At death she was divorced, no children, and no family.....she left her estate to her possessive and obsessed Acting Coach, and an organization for child psychology). If you want to use her name, your gonna have to pay, BIG TIME....and the fact that so many are willing to do so SAYS A LOT!!!

I mean if it is because she was a blonde bombshell, or had a tragic death, why isn't Jane Mansfield a bigger icon. She was rumored to have been decapitated in an automobile accident (reports later stated that it was just her wig that flew off, no head attached).....Maybe it wasn't her because she left behind a child (who now plays on Law and Order) and that it wasn't actually her boobs that were that big, rather an enormous chest cavity.What about Rita Hayworth, or Grace Kelly....even Audrey Hepburn (a not-so-close) second, still can't compare with the Legend of Marilyn Monroe. For someone who supposedly "could not act, could not sing, could barely wake herself up in the morning, married 3 times, and could not bear a child" she can do a lot ,DEAD that we could not do living. She has been an icon, her face alone-a timeless piece of decoration, and a name that is universal for longer than most stars dream of. The most imitated woman in history.

Last night I was watching The Travel Channel, and the show was about the Country's Best Deli's. Among the top were Manhattan's infamous Stage Deli. Marilyn Monroe picked out the ingredients to her sandwich and that sandwich was named after her. The Stage Deli doesnt care about staying power. The star gets a sandwich for a little while, and it gets replaced. I wonder what start replaced Marilyn Monroe (watch, as we dont know who on earth it was) and what were the ingredients in her sandwich...or is that "top Secret"? hmmmm.

For a interesting article on Marilyn

Stage Deli Menu

The Stage Deli Home Page

Marilyn Monroe website

"Yes, could you order that dress in a -O2 for me?"

We've all heard about it, and we've all seen it on television. Those rail-thins models, and actress's wearing their oversized glasses and ballet flats, with every bone in their foot showing out of the top. Their ribcages used to be incredibly tanned, but now it seems as though the "unhealthier" you look, the better....so "sport that backless dress honey, your ghost white, spine looks GREAT protruding" is what these girls MUST be hearing, because they have to doubt their own opinion that this looks good. They HAVE to have someone, a professional, confirming that this look will make them hot. Right???? Who would do this?

Lets look at it pretty realistically. Men usually dont go for this look. Gay and straight men alike produce testosterone, and we know that. A man with testosterone is proven to be more attracted (not always sexually) to a woman who has HIGHER levels of estrogen, even as a FRIEND (for the gay guys out there, they are said to like having "feminine looking" friends more to those who arent). So, if major male designers (Armani and Tom Ford, to name a few) are climing that they dont find the "chicken wing arms, and sagging chest...I mean breast" beautiful, than why do they use them in the shows? Because that is what sells, and c'mon...they have MOUTHS to FEED at home.ha ha ( and yachts,extravagant houses,cars,etc.)

Men arent buying up all of these designer clothes (okay, maybe they are buying them) but they are not picking them out. Women are. So, now you have to look to who "real women" look to for fashion. Celebrities. So, who do celebrities look too? Aha...stylists!!! (Racheal Zoe is who gets most of the blame from around the world, although she says she never "tells" anyone to mimick her look, but most of her clients,like Nicole Ritchie, walk away with it anyways)

So, I suppose the sylists should be to blame for this WAIF thin look that now, is more popular than EVER, and designers are getting calls for -02, instead of regular 00's (just to let you know, my dress size is LARGER than my pants size. So, if I AM A 2 in pants, then I am a 4 in dresses.....at 111 pounds. If these girls are negative 00's in dresses, that is gross, but -02...OMG!!! SICK...yeah, thats the point!)

But there is a much more serious side to this, than just aesthetics, that may be hitting closer to home than some may think.

In a country where obeseity is higher than many of our carb munching neighbors, yet DIET is more of a common word than "toothbrush" (heard about Mt.Dew in the Apps? Pepsi went over there to PAY FOR THEIR TEETH. Ummm no, they need to brush. Its not your products fault!) Who wants to look like this?

Seen 90210 lately? Our teens want to look like THIS! And how do they plan on getting that way?

The U.K has seen a trend RISE AND RISE among young girls as young as 14, and anorexia, and get this........ Clembuterol ( a steroid once used for Asthma that is now only legal for horses, and sells for almost as much as vitamins on the internet) and Atterall. Sad, really,sad.

"Warner Books will publish Style: A to Zoe, in which the stylist and her famous friends such as Tom Ford and Naomi Campbell will offer tips on how to look fabulous — ie, impossibly thin. Then Zoe has said she wants to start her own fashion label.
The well-covered women of Britain might prefer she do so in California." -http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/article648756.ece

Just call me Captain BackFire

Only 2 more girls nights until Nick comes back from Cincinatti. I won't deny, I miss that mean old booger. I really do! I also won't deny that I have been having a pretty good time while he has been away, doing WHATEVER I want (which I already do) without any lip. The house was so clean on Saturday, but then my mother came over (I will admit that one advantage of her being at my house is that she likes to get chores done that I want to put off, but I also like her company) somehow she messed it up, and is NOT cleaning up like I expected. I am an adult, I should do it. And I am a mother, I know I know....but sometimes, being around your mom makes you feel like a teen again (if only for long enough to watch American Idol and go to the tanning bed, or go grocery shopping alone).Apparently my mother feels the same way about being around me. She has not only, NOT CLEANED, but messed my house up!!!

So Nick calls me last night (he calles every 45 minutes, no joke!) and says... "Now, I want that house cleaned when I get home woman." . But no, seriously...there really isn't any excuse for it not being EXACTLY like it was when I left, if not better. Maybe you could dust and polish up a few things".
Are you serious???? OMG!!! This is supposed to be a vacation for me. I mean I am going to leave pizza box's and beer cans all over the house. Me and Andrea (for new readers, thats my daughter) are getting a keg tonight. We thought we'd invite (hmmm,... let's see who doesnt work 9-5 jobs and have responsibilies during the week)............ AH HA...My Mum, and the 2 elderly ladies in the neighborhood over!!!
Like I live like a slob! I was very insulted! Instead of being quick to snap at him, I just said "sure thing Nick. The house is very clean now...I don't plan on messing it up". Oh, I act like the tough girl, but honestly, I don't want him to be dissapointed. So before he gets home, I will make sure to tidy up. He doesn't really look THAT hard anyways. I will at least leave out my rubber gloves and spray some Lemon Pledge. That usually does the job!

Dropped by a Shoplifter

Sad, huh?

I am being lazy today and not wanting to make a grocery list, so I looked online for one. HOW PATHETIC,is that? Anyways, when doing so, I stumbled across this site ,and got a kick out of some of other people's lost, or most likely left behind, grocery lists.

Too Funny!

I am ONCE AGAIN, sharing too much.

I have been waking up to a deep sense of regret, or guilt, that I could not put a finger on, almost every morning since I was in my teens. When I was deeper into Christianity, it was still there. I prayed of it often, and somehow, the guilt comforted me, because even though I didn't know what it was for, I knew I still had a conscience, and that was of The Lord, although "guilt" is not. Then I would feel guilty for the guilt, and so on.

It ate away at me, and recently, more so than ever.

Have I killed anyone? no

Have I lied? of coarse, but try to be honest

Do I sin? yes, and that is inevitable

I accept that.

Did I question God's existence? No, I always knew he was real. I always knew he had an eye on me. I always talked to him,freely. Even though it wasn't taught to me that I SHOULD, I did.

Truth be told, I never had a "fear" of him, like so many should or did.

I looked to him, like a father.

The more I studied, the more I did NOT understand. The more questions that I could NOT answer for unbelievers. So many things were contradictory, and given "just because" is not an answer I can give.

I know how wonderful Christianity can be, but I also know how terrible it can turn if people are misinformed. I suppose it is the same way with Muslims and their religion. We all have our "kool-aid camps, or Al Quieda" <ms> embarrassing extremists, right?

That is why I choose not to point a finger.

You know what is really sad? I didn't want Obama to win, because of what my church said, not my own PERSONAL beliefs. I set aside MY beliefs, what I felt right in MY heart, to beliefs on gay marriage,religion,etc. that I did not understand. I finally got real with myself, about that, and chose to plead the 5th when asked about those topics, holding to the EXTREME abortion that Obama would allow. I am Pro-Life, to a degree, but that is a WHOLE new post.

Anyways, I was one day arguing with a Muslim friend over something political, and it somehow changed into religion. (real "Christ-Like" of me to be arguing, isn't it?) I (without telling him) was going to give him a quote from the Bible, when I decided tore-read about the Golden Cow. Great story. Then I searched it online. It was documented in different religion's, BC. What? Are you serious? It supposably derived from the Koran first? No way..... A Christian would say that, is the Devils work.

I am not denouncing Christ or the fact that he is miraculous, and I am not trying to be blasphemous, but maybe I am. And I am sure Guilt will plague me later.

I told my Muslim friend (Anthony) of this story, and all he could do was laugh. We were both being taught the same values, yet from different books, and somehow, many of the people who share our beliefs hate the opposite religion. It makes no sense.

I somehow understand my Grandfathers choice to be agnostic (not my parents,though), but I also understand why he prayed to Jesus right before he died.

People just dont pray to Buddha when they are in a car wreck. We need something to hold onto.

Actually, many Buddhists (not all) don't view Buddhism as a "religon" , but more as a philosophy to live by.

We all search for something positive to live by.

This weekend, I asked Vicki what she lived by, if she wasn't religious. I was telling her (and she patiently listened) about my doubts and about how I found so many of Buddha's quotes inspirational, and that Christianity upset me, because I wasn't supposed to have a statue of Buddha in my house or try to live by his quotes, as long as I wasnt praying to him, but I could have a picture of Abraham Lincoln and George Washingtons head on a statue and that was alright. I could quote Martin Luther King, or Ellenor Roosevelt and make blankets that had their quotes all over them. I was talking to her about my doubts, and how I wanted to teach my daughter so many great things about her Cherokee Indian ancestors but wondered what I needed to omit for the sake of "Christianity", although it wouldn't hurt her. She pretty much said this to me :

"When I wake up, I feel blessed by all of this beauty, and I find the wisdom of someone who can find beauty in a single blade of grass so inspirational. I believe that religion isn't always wrong or right and that as long as it teaches you to be a better person, to live humbly, accept others, be peaceful, and to not depend on the "things" of this world, to be loving, kind and gentle, pray to who you wish."

I asked her if she was agnostic, she said "no, honey....I've been a Buddhist for over 25 years"

I had no idea.

She was patient and listened to me talk about Christianity for years.

She believed in "paying it forward", yet, never once talked about her source of inner peace.

That night when after we were unloading the car, I noticed a Buddha statue at the very top of her bookshelf in her livingroom, a living room I have been to hundreds of times. I said nothing, just smiled. (they are supposed to be at the highest place in the room, even if out of sight)

I noticed a quote in a picture frame in her husbands (a man who is soooo kind and decent and noble, I love to call him a friend too!) office, that said this:

"He who stands on tiptoe

doesn't stand form

He who rushes ahead

doesn't go far

He who tries to shine

dims his own light

He who defines himself

can't know who he really is."

It was neat insight.

I asked the UPS man, what made him in such a great mood everyday when he comes in,today, and he said "The Bible says "talk good things into happening", I'm sorry I am paraphrasing"

and I said "no, it's okay, I was taught about that, it's called "speaking into existence", you can do that with good or bad things, that's why we have to watch the power of our tongues".

He was surprised I knew.

It's not that I am "Oh, ye of little faith". I BELIEVE God has blessed me in abundance, and catch myself talking to him throughout the day. But I believe in Astrology, and am inspired by Buddha, and think meditation is great! I love the stories of the book, as guides, but don't believe them all. I know there is something that has held me tight, and watches over me, and I feel that it is MY FATHER,God...but it hurts to think that it has to be so black and white. I can not believe that a small child goes to hell for what it is taught, I can not believe that our God, would LET children be molested in places of worship. I believe in ghosts, and that some people have preminitions, and that they arent evil (as some, NOT ALL churches would tell). I just have a hard time with some things, and the only way to be sure, is to learn what works for ME, not what I am supposed to believe.

He who is not for me is against me?

You can't worship two Gods?

I am for him, and I dont worship anyone else.

I can understand the confusion. I really can.

All I can say to this, is.........................read the quote above. I should have earlier.

In response to the last post......(someone asked and laughed,via email)

Well, it looks like Britney knows how to survive in the woods. Isn't she "special"? Prissy ass! I prefer the Betty Paige (I am woman, hear me roar.....and fall over )

First off, popping a squat in the woods IS HARD.....ecspecially if you don't know the "rules" and you have a dog with you, and are a tad bit tipsy (intoxicated). I tried it the "Betty Paige way -above" but my shorts didnt allow that much room to spread my legs. TMI-I know...but YOU brought it up!

Second, I do NOT smoke anything accept for an occasional Marlboro Light (and sometimes, if not stressed or drinking,which is rare-I get nauseous from those).

I have tried to smoke "pot", quite a few times in the past (before Andrea) and it made me a lunatic. I already am a few sandwiches away from the picnic, so paranoia was not much fun.....or the cotton mouth.EWwww. But I do think it is cool when classy and sophisticated people old enough to be my parents and older (like my Doctor,ha ha) do it.

I however, need to stay away. Nick is the same way.

Me:(sat. night after coming in the tent and explaining why my pants were in a bucket of soap water )Hey, I may not be the brightest bulb in the socket...but at least I'm not burnt out."

Vicki: Nope, no one can deny you are lit!!!

If 3 glasses of Merlot can make me do something that stupid...oh LAWD!