Burritos and pajamas

I am really sad that I cannot workout. I am sooo packing on the pounds and on top of that, am getting really tired and anemic feeling, and they say that exercsing is BAD for Anemia but GOOD FOR everything else.OOOOOOOh, how contradictory!

I am loving some FAKE-mexican food lately. I really dont like real mexican, its tastes dirty to me, but FAKE mexican (like Quodoba and On The Border) Ahhh. love them~!

Anyone have any tips on how to raise my iron REALLY quick so that I can get into the gym???? It would be greatly appreciated!

I am a "thin Cyster" Get it...Sister, Cyster? Bahahahhhha! ok-not really

I told myself that I would not be a blogger who blogs about one topic all of the time, and expects for people to give a rats ass. I am sure you all dont really want to read about the same damn thing everyday, right??? Ok, well....from the looks of things, you do. I know I do. I didnt think I did, but I keep going back to read about a woman who mostly writes about Renovating Her Brooklyn Limestone for ideas. It was refreshing to find out that Infertile Myrtle doesnt always talk about infertility, and her blogs are pretty amazing. I have already written about my stupid health problems (God knows that I feel like an old bat talking about them) but the more I read about my disease/problem,thorn in my side...whatever you want to call it, the more I want to share the news, and maybe helped and be helped by other women who have it.
I have told you before that I suffer from P.C.O.S.
Doctors still dont know much about P.C.O.S and if you find a doctor wo does, he/she is worth moe than her weight in Gold, really.
I read about P.C.O.S two years ago, and knew that it was what was wrong with me. I actually "stumbeled upon" this name while reading a Womens Health mag. I went to see doctor after doctor, even some of the "best" in my area. The last visit I had from a OBGYN "specialist" told me..."you are too thin to have P.C.O.S, and the hairs arent prominent enough". REally, lady....I am sorry that I have to tweeze every morning, and hd work today before coming in. If that had not been the case, I would have grown a full beard to prove it to you!" The thought of doing that, or the fact that my body could POSSIBLY (I dont know, never tried) do that...makes me want to cring and cry at the same time. Like I said, I have never gone a day without tweezing, so I dont know what could happen, but I do know that it is NOT normal. My boyfriend can tell you.
Truth be told, that in order to be diagnosed with P.C.O.S, you only need three symptons. You may not be overweight, you may not even have cysts, all you need are three underlying symptoms, and going to see a doctor who knew her shit, was well worth it to me!
I dont want to become pregnant again. I have no urge to ever mother another child. Its not that I dont love children, I do...its just that I realize how hard being a parent is, and I worry about and have such a bond with my daughter that I dont ever want to share that. I know that if I were to have more children, that it would come naturally to me, but I just can't imagine not playing favorites with her, even though...like I said, I am sure Id love them equally.
I understand how painful it must be to be told that you CANT have children though. I love not always having my period and not having to worry with birth control, but I understand that to many women, this is a curse, not a perk!
I tried to take birth control for these painful cysts, and it was hell. Id rather be in pain. (by the way, Andrea was a miracle. All children are, but she was sent down to me because I asked, over and over. I didnt want to have more than one child, I just wanted one girl. I wanted her so bad, at a young age, because I think sub-conscoulsly....I knew that she would save me, and that she would be the only person who could teach me how to love unconditionally.She did! Like I said...I learn more from her than she does from me. I could teach her 15 different languages and she could be a math wiz at 8, but still-I learned more from her by the time that she turned 2, than any teacher could EVER teach her.)
Anyways back to what I was saying, many women are concerned about this disease because of the problems it causes trying to become pregnant. I, however am more shallow, and only concerned about the physical effects that it has, and the pain that it causes.
I have taken Metformin, Spironolatone,etc, and have had terrible side effects. Does anyone else want to share theirs?

A bit Naive

This story is very sad for me, and I feel so sad for these women and their families.I hate that this has happened to these women, really....but cmon.Seriously...they are being tried as SPIES, and they were somehow caught on the border, WITH CAMERAS, doing their "duties as journalists". Well, if I were in a CRAZY country like North Korea, and all paranoid like I am sure they are, I would think the same thing too! They should have stayed home, and know not to tread in those dangerous waters.I feel terrible for their families, and hate that these women are going through this, but now...thanks to them,and their curiosity, or their jobs, we might have another battle to fight. Why can't people just be PROUD TO BE AMERICAN, and leave everyone else alone??? Its funny to me that they were both Asian girls sent down there.OBVIOUSLY to not be too noticeable!If you are a Korean in China, it is very racist for you to think you will "blend in"...but in Korea...well that's a different story. If you dont believe me, go to your nail salon and call one of them Chinese or Korean, and go to your favorite Japanese resteraunt and call them Chinese. Asians know the difference, so I dont believe Al sent Korean girls to China to do a story, thinking they would blend in with the Chinese, and I dont think it is a coincedence that they were all Korean. I could be wrong. Hey, its happened before. Well, no...one time I thought I was wrong, but wasnt...just "mistaken"-thats all ;)How do we know that they weren't trying to get a good story on North Korea, and just got caught, seems a little odd. Either way, I do pray for their safe return, but I do think it was a TERRIBLE MOVE to go out there to begin with.Also,I heard a girl reply back to someone who said something to the extent of "one of these women was a Mother of a four year old, and should know better".Then the other woman said "Why is it that Mothers should know better, but its okay for FATHERS to go to IRAQ or be police officers?".That's comparing Oranges to Apples, no WATERMELONS, sweetie! I guess it has something to do with our NATURAL maternal INSTINCT!!! Yes, a man CAN raise a child just as well as a woman, but its not as common, and we should WANT to be safe for our CHILDREN!She is not a soldier fighting for OUR COUNTRY,or a policeman trying to keep our streets safe (some I am sure aren't doing it for that reason, I am not 10 and don't need to be informed) she is a journalist, trying to make a buck on a story.Either way, no one should be put in harms way, but I think they knew the risks.

To my new Blog Friends

I am trying very hard to get to know you (okay a lil hard, I am lazy) and for some reason everytime I click on your name or pic, it says that your Profile is unknown. Hmmmmmmm......So, if you we havent met, please leave a comment ...just saying "hi" so I can click there and check out your blog. I am computer illiterate!

The few lyrics that made me LOVE this man

These lyrics are from the song you are hearing right now, the first one to pop up on my blog. I dont care what the media says about John Mayer, I love him, because I feel we all can relate to him!

I call
Because
I just
need to feel you on the line
dont hang up this time
I know it was me who called it over ,
But I still wish you'd fought me until youre dying day
Dont let me get away!!!!
I cant wait to figure out whats wron with me
So, I can say this is the way that I USED to be!!!!
THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR TIME!
Oh, for the sadness.....split screen sadness!!!!


And another song of his that you hear on the radio, but you just DONT pay attention to. I heard it for the first time, on the way back from dropping Andrea off to her first day of pre-school and cried like a baby. It touched me because of my relationship with my dad, and hers with her dad....

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I canTo stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's leftCleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]

Why do they grow up!

I love my daughter more than ANYTHING in this world, but I dont like being a "parent". Why cant I just be her best friend, and then her shoulder to lean on when she needs one? why cant I just be the one she crawls up with when she is sick, and runs home to tell what boy she likes in school. Why do I HAVE TO be the bad guy sometimes.

I realized yesterday, that I spend more time making her clean her room, read, take a bath, getting her to dance and daycare and back, then I do...enjoying her. Why cant I let her room get extra dirty, and let her wear her hair with knots if she wants ? It's not fair. What about what I want? She is really growing up too fast, and soon enough, I wont be able to hold her anymore. She wont want to sit on my lap and have me rub her back...so why cant I take these moments and hold them forever, and breath them in, never letting go? Why? ...bc if I dont tell her to clean her room and do all of these important things, it is actually just selfish and not benefiting her at all. I want someone else to do it. IF I were rich, I WOULD hire a Nanny, to train up my child, and let me be her VERY best friend. You can turn your nose up to that if you want. Id still be there for her whenever she needed me, no matter what, but I wouldnt have to parent at all. Id take her to school, pick her up and the Nanny would deal with all of the hard stuff (like making her clean her OWN room, instead of a maid) and making her look for her own shoes, instead of hanging them to her. Honestly I am sick of being the bad guy for a greater cause. I just want to love her all up, but I guess that is impossible. My duty isnt to be a best friend, but a PARENT, and honestly, a good one of those, is probably the best friend you can have in the long run!

You can call me SUGARFOOT!!!

UPDATE! I asked Nick to go get my prescription filled for my cymbalta, concerta and Klonopin yesterday after I almost raped him. (I say almost bc what guy can REALLY turn you down after MONTHS of barely having it, no matter what they are doing?)
Click HERE to see one of the FUNNIEST SLIDES EVER, to find out "who the hell Sugarfoot really is". And why do these grown men call her SUGARFOOT???? hmmmmm (quick and hilarious)




He came back with....
Klonopin, to help me sleep so I will shut up at night, instead of trying to snuggle and "talk".
and Concerta so I would clean,clean,clean-VRRRROOM , VROOM- (YAY!!!) while he plays Wii or watches FISHING( what a redneck).
He said he asked them to "bank" the cymbalta."What? You like me being all crazy???

I think he secretly likes getting raped enough to deal with PERPETUAL NAGGING!!!

So,
Note to self: (you may want to grab a pen and paper too, Ladies)
Give it to your man hot and heavy for a while....then CUT HIM OFF COLD TURKEY, but act like a doll.
When you start to "break him off" again....he wont care what you say!Bitch,nag, makes scenes, whatever you're pride will allow you to do, and he will not care!


But I hear that not taking your Cymbalta can cause crazy problems......OH, LAWD! I am glad the worst is over with. I hear it is TERRIBLE for some people!
Today has been a lot easier. My doctor said that the longer it is out of my system, the better I will feel, and that since I was UNDER the weather and pretty much immobile for a few days, the worst part...I slept through. Hallelujah!

I don't think ALL people have these bad of mood swings, some people just get dizzy or feel tired.I think it has a lot to do with WHY you are on the medications to begin with and how they react with your body. I am not making light of how serious taking SSRI's can be and then quitting cold turkey. It is rather sad, and scary, and can cause many terrible problems, much worse than others. I really believe doctors should be more careful when prescribing these medications, especially after the incident in Charlotte where a man stabbed his family to death after taking Prozac for a long period of time, and quitting without doctor supervision. This can be VERY dangerous and should not be taken lightly.

I am officially going inSANE!!!

Okay, I HAVE GOT TO get my medication today.

I am sooo irratable, that it is ridiculous! I want to kill Nick, and I am just flat out rude.

You know how I told you that I didnt need the Cymbalta because I was not depressed?

I need the Cymbalta...because I am a BITCH! If this is some type of hormonal change...then ESTROGEN SUCKS!!! Really! I liked my levels where they were at.

I quit taking the cymbalta for STUPID reasons. #1, its expensive,#2 I have no sex drive and cannot have an orgasm, #3 it makes me smoke cigarettes (my theory...when I dont take it, I dont want to smoke)and #4, I cant have an orgasm.....Did I already say that?

Oh, and I am not creative or outgoing on it at all.

Without it, this is me.

• Mean


• HUNGRY


• HUNGRY


• MEAN


• HORNY


• TEMPERAMENTAL


• EASILY AGGRAVATED


• UNORGANIZED


• BLOATED (probably bc I eat all of the time)

Ok, so it is official that I am CRAZY! But you dont read my blogs because I am SANE do you? I like CRAZY people (at a distance) better than boring,sane people! GEEZ, my favorite blogs are NOT ABOUT polka dots, puppy dogs, and scrapbooking. Hell, those might be the crazy people afterall! I am a nice person, I'm not all "single white female" or anything...just edgy and MEAN without this stuff. DOESNT THAT SUCK!?!? They put me on it, for something that wasnt even wrong with me to begin with (I was not depressed, I was tired because I was insanely ANEMIC) and now w/out the meds. I am a evil wreck!!!

Lord help us all...DRUGS ARE BAD! No matter who gives them to you! DON'T start taking them, because you really can NEVER get off.....no pun intended!

Peace, Love & Laxatives. Part II

Okay, this post will have nothing to do with laxatives (knowing me, not much about peace or love either, oh well) but I liked the title so much, I decided to use it again. Sounds like a bulimia memoir, huh?lol

Anywho...

Nick and I are on a hunt for the perfect condo right now. I love the little town that I live in. I love this condo above.The town is small and like 30 minutes away from town,Downtown Charlotte and 45 from all of my friends...but I looove it. He does too, but he is getting sick of the drive to work. Can't say that I blame him. Truth be told, this area is accesible to everything WE personally need though.We don't have a Sephora, but we do have a Target :) I can drive 30 minutes to Sephora if I need to. No biggie. The small town feel, but still close enough to the big city is my main attraction to Rock Hill. I would be reaaaally sad if we had to move. Really...but I can't be selfish. He does have quite a haul, and to top it off, we dont have any friends in Rock Hill.

But it's a great place to raise children, and maybe we could get to know people. Who knows.

I can buy a house, and still have a yard. And can almost jog to Winthrop University. I dont shop at Chico's, but there is one walking distance from my house, so you know that there are quite a few middle age, upper middle class women keeping that store in business. Point blank, I dont worry about waking up one day and realizing that the neighborhood that I thought I loved, has turned into the ghetto, and in our price range, I have to worry about that in Charlotte.

It's not that we are poor, but it's like buying an apartment in Manhattan, or a great condo in ........The Bronx.I think I'd rather move to Buffalo. That's just me.For what I would get in Manhattan, it would be roach infested...but something SPECTACULAR in the Bronx....if I want to count gun shots instead of sheep to get to bed at night (just saying). You have to get in where you fit in. The condo above may not be as IMMACULATE as he wants, and as close

I just can not MAKE him stay.I have no control over that. I TELL him that I want to stay, but I can not MAKE him love it here. I KNOW that he is making a bad decision and will regret it 5 years from now if he moves. But how can I MAKE him see that. What? Wait until we move to a "transitional neighborhood" and put Andrea in a school that I dont feel good about, only to see our old stomping grounds prosper enormously? I can not take that risk. I wont. This will be the end for Nick and I...and it's stupid really. Am I that shallow, or am I just frustrated? Oh, someone PLEASE tell me if I am in the wrong. Please.

Peace, Love & Laxatives

Okay, it is official. Men have no cooth.
I went to CVS on Friday night with Nick. As you all know, I am rather uncomfortable talking about #2. Especially in front of men (Nick). I don't know why. There isn't much I WONT talk about, but that, well, I can KINDA talk about it with you, but it still feels wrong.It's like talking to your mom about intimate sex details. You get it.
So, like I said...Nick and I go to CVS. My Nick loves me, but he is an evil one sometimes. On the way there, he said or did (I dont know, maybe he didnt,and it was just this estrogen talking to me) something to make me feel like he thought I had lost my sex appeal. It could have been my paranoia because I knew, that he knew, that we were going to CVS to pick up laxatives, but either way, it was his fault. And for the first time EVER,I wanted him to be UBER jealous. (not like me at all), and damnit....for the first time, I was gonna bite the bullet and rub my swollen,bloated, and extremely constipated, yet still somewhat sexy self in his FACE!
BAD IDEA!
Not only is CVS at 10pm, not a place you would usually pick up guys (I dont know, is it?) but...c'mon. I don't REALLY have that type of nerve. So, this is what happens.....

I walk in, after spraying some cheap (but surprisingly good smelling) Hale Berry perfume on at the front. I mess up my hair, poke out my chest, and decide to look around for someone , SOMEWHAT cute you KINDA smile at. Maybe then the poor fella will follow me around CVS (yeah, right-HAPPENS IN MOVIES. Ever seen Erin Brokovich?)
No one in sight.
Nick has no idea of my intentions (maybe he did, he's pretty passive aggressive and tricky like that) and grabs a grape soda and some cheeto's (what the heck was wrong with him that night?) and starts EATING them in the store. I give up and walk over to the laxative isle. I don't want cramps, cant wait 4 days, but don't want to get swamp pants when I am out somewhere...GEEZ! How do I know what to do? So, I decide to talk about it. I will just have to talk bout it with Nick. He comes over, and I try to ask him. He says "I don't know, I don't have those weird problems. If I need to go, I'm not all weird and hold it in for days. That's not good for you.That's how the kid on the Poltergeist movie died"which made me even MORE nervous.( I wasnt being "all weird" pain medicines and anesthisia constipate people) He tells me to go ask the pharmacist.

I go and get in line, and when the line FINALLY gets down to just one person in front of me,(I thought the store was DEAD) Nick sits down and starts flipping through Senior Citizen Magazines and out comes a really hot Pharmacist.Then the long line of people start to line up behind me (like the pharmacy was giving away Blood Pressure Medicine) and I started to choke up. Nick gets up, and half looking at the magazine says "she's constipated and probably needs some of that extra strength ex-lax" in an "all too comfortable" volume. I guess I start to blush, and so the pharmacist tells me to go over to the side where it says "Pharmacist Consultation". There he goes between asking me personal questions about the nuances of my #2, to telling me an embarrassing story about him getting food poisoning while on a bus in a 3rd world country after eating a bad coconut (F.P from coconut???) which made me feel even more awkward. Then he takes me to the laxative line (6 people are waiting on this one cashier at the counter, and Nick is checking himself out with different reading glasses on) and explains EVERY single one to me, in a very strange flirtatious manner. 15 minutes later, I decide on WHATEVER and buy something and go.
As Nick and I were getting in the car, he said...."That guy was sweating you pretty hard."
I said "no, he wasn't (kinda happy that he might be jealous") we were talking about laxatives, for crying out loud.
Nick says " Yeah I think that dude was part Asian. He looked like it. Asian people are kinky. He probably gets off on talking like that"(can we say "racial profiling"?)
SO my Nick was a lil jealous , I FELT like I exploited myself.......
and in the long run, got exactly what I asked for...and more.