My view on Casey Anthony and what can be done

"In order to be forgiven, you must forgive." This goes through my mind periodically, as I find myself obsessed over poor Caylee Anthony's murder and how her horrible mother got away with it. It wasn't anyone whom I knew, it wasn't my family, and yet I still cannot shake this terrible hate that I have for this woman and what she did. I cannot help but to wish the worst for her. I am still hurt by what the jury agreed upon. I do not think about this non-stop, but if I watch the news or read the papers, it definitely is what I skim the page for and I do listen closer. I still have a hard time seeing Caylee's pictures. I did not know her, but as a mother of two-one girl who is 8 and one boy who is 16 months, it hurts to think of the crime that was done to her. It should hurt any human....but I wonder about mankind now more than ever for some reason and their evil or apathetic hearts. It is not like this is the first child to be treated horribly, this does not mean that I don't still hurt for other murder victims. But in this case, a narcissist walked free- knowing that she outsmarted everyone and that she will profit for something horrible that I feel that she did, but even if she didn't, that she let happen.....or that she failed to do as a mother.
To many people it is water under the bridge by now. Something that should disappear, but to many others it is a terrible terrible tragedy that will not go away easily, without leaving scars of what kind of place America has become. One where a woman can kill her two year old, and then party for 31 days instead of reporting her child missing. I don't even want to go into the rest.
I don't want to beat a dead horse.
I just beg that any of you who read this do not HELP this woman to make more money than she already will. I pray that none of you buy her books, buy magazines that have her interviews, watch her "Made for TV" movie when it comes out, or in any way help her to further profit off of the murder of her child. It may be tempting, but please don't. I know that she will never make a true friend again, and that she will probably use the money to buy drugs or live a lonely terrible life, but I still don't think that this sociopath should profit.
Also, it is no myth that you can be tried and acquitted for a crime in State Court, and then be tried again in Federal Court. It is not double-jeopardy when it is two different entities. (I asked a lawyer yesterday and a friend who studied law). It may or may not happen that she will get tried again (I think we would hear about it by now) and this petition may not do anything, and the jury may claim that they "lack evidence" again, but who knows? A different jury may be the ticket to finally getting justice for this poor sweet girl. Please go here here and sign. It takes two minutes, if that. Please spread the word.

Life's little secrets from your everyday idiot

I am not ever going to be a "Mommy Blogger" not because I don't love being a mother and think that is my most important job, but because (a) I am not a good "blogger" and (B) Mommy is just one huge part of who I am, I still have a little bit else left to me.

I once heard someone say that when you hand over your problems to the Lord you don't know that they have gone until you remember to worry about them. That when you leave your old selfish life behind; you don't miss it. You don't miss your drunken saturday nights, or your hysterical cursing matches with your ex boyfriend. You don't miss the gambeling.You don't miss the drugs you do in only the company of your coolest friends, or the meaningless sex with that married man that you soooooo dont want to live without right now. God's love comes and take the place of that euphoria away, and you actually feel something that leaves you joyous and hoepful instead of hungover or paranoid. You feel something that can't fail you, and won't leave you.

I think for (Most) moms, becoming a mother is the same way (not a close comparison to God's love, bc nothing is on the greater scale.....but as much as we can fathom on earth). For a split second I might miss going out and partying with my friends, or the money I wasted on frivilous things, or the time I had to soak in vanity........but it's a mere second....and it's gone and I smile in my heart bc without a doubt...my children filled my life so much that the need they had for me, pushed out those things I clung onto in youth....and good riddens!

Another life lesson that I have learned is to believe cliches. They are overused because they usually ring true. You cannot fail when you......
Are always prepared.
Live and let live.
Forgive and forget.
Remember that "zebra's cant change their stripes"
misery loves company
hindsight is 20/20
you learn from your mistakes but its best to learn from others
you can't slow down the hands of time
wait until you are ready
go the speed limit
time heals
it's okay to cry
If they dont like you for who you are, they arent worth it
be YOURSELF
do unto others as your would yourself

and the list goes on.............................

I also have recently found truth in the fact that everything dark gets brought into the light at some time. If not in front of a large crowd when you want it, to the person who needs to hear it most, in their own little moment in their own little time. So when you are holding onto regret and anger and resentment, know that " it's like throwing a hot coal at someone"....you still get burned. And often times we hurt more than they do from holding that hot coal for so long. For some reason it takes them a lot longer to recieve it, then it does us for holding onto it, waiting. And it's funny how God orchestrates that. Their is an amazing message in the fact that he knew people were going to deal with resentment and he also knew it left them better then before the event happened that got them upset to begin with when they learned to let it go.
Truth be told, God allows us to go through ugly places, phases and things. In the Bible they called it the Wilderness and he sent the people he loved dearly through the wilderness time and time again. I am sure it heart his heart to see them GO through it, but not to COME OUT OF IT, because it is then that we understand how Faith, Love and Prayer and like muscles taht we have to work out and depend on. You can't do it alone, and when you HAVE FAITH in HIM through the wilderness, it brings him so much joy to walk you out of it.

I'm venting.........please excuse me.

WOW

It has been such a long time since I have been on this site! I am going to make a conscience decision to log in and write, not for you all (because yall dont care- you are better about this than I am -and I am embarrased at my slackness) but for me. I think writting is a catharsis!
SO much is going on. Where do I start. Moved to a new town into a new house that I am still getting used to cleaning up. My son is almost a year old (March 11th) so that means its been a really long time since I have talked with you all! My daughter started 2nd grade and is doing excellent in school. My daughters father and I are going through a custody battle again and that is STRESSFUL to say the least. Lawyers can be bottom feeders! Nick and I still arent married. I cant MAKE him marry me today and although I would like to, I know waiting until the summer is best.
Andrea and I were baptized and I feel like a new woman. I still have my struggles at times, but I cannot explain the feeling that God put into my heart. It's pretty amazing. Ill get more into that later. I just wanted to drop by and say "hello" and hopefully I still have a reader or two to connect with :D

Anyone ever felt "Pregnant and Miserable

Holding a Baby

I held my best friends newborn baby yesterday for the first time,and I almost cried! She looked at me like I was strange,but "ohmyGod" My heart was beating out of my chest! This precious little person, this miniture human,stole my breath away as I held her naked (diapered body) against my chest. I cradled her precious little head in my hand,and I felt like I was home! It was sudden. Heather was changing her diaper and outfit,and the doorbell rang. She handed her to me,quickly, without notice for the first time,and I didnt want to let go.
It took me back to where I SHOULD have been when my daughter was born. Dont get me wrong,I had those feelings,but they came with time,after fear and lack of confidence left. If someone would have just handed her to me, like "here,take her"...I wonder if I would have not been so scared. Maybe I should have held more babies,but I don't think that mattered, I was just scared and unsure. Being so young has it's positives and negatives.
As I held that newborn beauty,(she reminded me of the cutest little monkey I had ever seen!!!) I wanted to breath her in! I remember feeling that way when Andrea was about 2 weeks old,when I could actually breath again. I remember knowing what it felt like for my heart to be so bare and naked and exposed that I understood what it meant to have it outside of my chest. But for the first few weeks, I was just too paranoid and scared. I was terrified,I didn't think I was qualified. I did until I saw her beautiful little face after delivery,and I remember (probably post-pardum depression induced)thinking, "Did God make a mistake? How could a fool like me, someone so unworthy,be granted this responsibility?" I walked on pins and needles and rarely slept,because I was too scared to miss something. This time around,with Nolan...I am happy to have the experience,and although I am sure I will still feel unworthy,I am excited to have a little more confidence when they first hand him to me. Those little moments count so much!

Men need Filters!!!

I am not a naturally pretty girl. SURPRISE! It doesn't take a ton to be presentable,but I do not wake up,shower, blowdry my hair and go. I need styling products,and a round brush,special conditioners,and a flat iron. After that I need something to tame the frizzyness. I could walk around without makeup, but everyone asks if I am sick. I am very irish, so my skin isn't pale,but another surprise...IM WHITE! Not olive,tan or rosey...yellowish,white,and dark circles show up under my eyes. I need AT LEAST powder,blush mascara and eyeliner to walk out of the house comfortably. I have to go to the gym. I like to have color of some sort,even if it is a faux tan. THAT IS JUST ME. I don't mind,because I am happy with the end result, but pregnancy adds new challenges to my daily rituals. I'm anemic,so dark circles and pale face is something I have gotten used to, so in order to go out and look healthy, I need more blush,bronzer,and concealor. No faux tanning,and I'm advised NOT to exercise,so........I don't FEEL pretty. Nick called me "ugly" today,supposable joking. I don't get the humor. I'm normally like "whatever" to that type of thing,but right now...I FEEL UGLY! I don't know whether to crawl under a rock,or kick him in the face! UGHHHH! Why can't men just watch their mouths like we do? Do I tell him if his breath stinks,or his shirt make his new growing gut look big, NO! Do I tell him that I hate his cologne,that he thinks smells sooooo great? NO...maybe I should! Nope, because we as women are better than that. God gave us filters!!! Thankfully, so now I dont feel like a pompous ass, like he probably does as he sits alone in the other room.

Junior's Cheesecake

Has anyone ever been to Juniors Cheesecake in Brooklyn. I try to stay away from Brooklyn....and up North all together. I went to NYC once and not only were people terribly rude to me and did not say "good morning" or "hello" in return when I said so while walking down the street,but the sales clerks weren't even nice,and someone stole my camera and ran off with it. I did however meet a really nice "tap" dancer (or at least she called herself that,because she tapped nude on some stage) in a really popular Italian Resteraunt where Garfield was created.(dang it,what was the name of that resteraunt?). I wasn't really impressed. Not so much that I would travel back. But, I may actually make a trip out to Brooklyn for Junior's Cheesecake,IF THEY WERENT SO KIND AS TO DELIVER, or should I say "ship" it to your house for $41! Hey, but it's a whole pie! I am dying for a piece now. I saw it on tv, and my mouth started watering the way a dog's does as it stares at you with no pride in front of the dinner table! Has anyone ever had one of these pies (or even a slice?) bc I am going to be one pissed off preggo lady if I order a forty buck pie and Sarah Lee does it better!

Why I Wear a Mask

As many of you know,I am pregnant,and a full time student (which kinda blows) who is about to drop my intermediate math (its basically an L.D math class) because it is too hard. I am however doing well at my other courses. In one class I had to write a relationship essay, dealing with personal addiction or a daily ritual. This was going to be tough.
I learned early on that in writting,you often write about what you can support,or have knowledge of, not necessarily what is true or what you really feel. I could write a lot about an addiction to heroine or Meth. although I have never done either,I could find a lot of info on the net to write about and support clearly. That would be interesting too. Everyone would love reading about how they are in class with a junkie...but since I am pregnant and dont want DSS called, I had to rule out drugs,alchohal,and for self-respect,ciggerettes. So what does that leave me? Coffee (taken)and excercise. Can't be too addicted,I am about to have the baby in class. So, I wrote about makeup. Hey,it's not necesarilly an addiction,but it is a daily ritual that is not hurting anyone (ok,you tree huggers. Picket somewhere else,I went to a Paul McCartney concert too,and felt like a murderer then,so save it). Is it superficial and shallow,yes, Clever,no. But, oh well. I could support my topic. Now, if the bitch would just grade it so I can breath again!
I started it with a quote from The Princess Bride that says " Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid or something? Oh, no. It's just that they are terribly comfortable. I believe that in the future,everyone will be wearing one.
Then I go on to talk about my daily ritual as though it is a mask, or face transplant,never really saying that it is "makeup", and I talk about the love hate relationship I have for it,and how I feel uncomfortable without it. How I can't vacation without bringing it with me,and how it can be a source of comfort and stress for certain things that I do in life. If I could copy and paste Word 2010 (its a trial,dont get all jealoous) to this stupid blog I would,but just like with math,I guess I am computer LD,as well.
Ciao for now!

Let me try this...um..."I'm a redneck WOMAN" yehaw???? Believe me? GOOD!

Nick found a house in Dallas! Not Dallas, Texas...not not that sophisticated. Dallas, NC!!! I don't know if many of you have heard about GASTON COUNTY, or ever heard of GASTONIA, NC...but if you haven't, you are missing much, besides a few good laughs.Dallas, NC is on the border of Gastonia.

Ahhh, Gastonia! Where "Sweet Home Alabama" plays loudly as though the residents might somehow really believe that they live in Alabama, because they are so drunk that they dont know where or who they are from drinking BUSCH beer since they dropped out of 2nd grade. Where Dental work is done with pliers,The Flea Market is like Rodeo Drive,and people bleed SUNDROP! I have not heard of many people make it out of Gastonia and onto "greener pastures",well accept Jamie Pressley, who can probably credit her believable role of "JOY" on MY Name Is Earl, to living in this town,and knowing a few "Joy's" in her time!

You just dont know a redneck unless you travel to Gastonia!And who doesn't think they know one or two?

Well, obviously Nick doesnt. Charlotte is growing soooo rapidly that many of it's Natives,move to the outskirts,and Dallas has not developed too rapidly,land is cheap,and it's only around 20 miles North of downtown Charlotte, so Nick and many of his co-workers have set their eyes on this area!

(Note: This being the reason Gastonia now has a Pier 1 and a Panera Bread. Natives of the GAS HOUSE, know nothing of either)

Well, my lovely Nick found us a darling houseplan and has picked up the necessary paperwork today to start construction.....oh, if he only changes his mind. I love the house, I love the neighborhood and land,and more than anything, I'd love to move before Nolan arrives, but............. do I know what I am getting myself into. That is the question! Oh, or "does he". Nick likes to Fish...I think he thinks that is redneck enough to fit in...boy does he have another thing coming.LOL

All I need to do to fit in (like I care to try), is bake at the tanning bed,get a few cup sizes bigger in implants,and walk around barefoot in the yard with a baby on my hip (oh and acrylic nails and Marlboro Lights)...Nick, he is in a world of a surprise. How funny!

Next time I get asked "What animal would you be" I am going to say "BEAR"!

Ha Ha, I just lost a follower or too! That's funny,bc I dont write much, but I am sure it had something to do with the "I dont like outsourcing" Blog. Sorry, I dont. I dont like old drivers,either.IF you're physically unable to put your foot on the gas hard enough to go over 25,or cant SEE THE SPEED LIMIT, your liscense should be revoked! If that statement pisses you off,feel free to "stop following" also. Good riddens! :)
Anywho, back to the topic. If someone ever asks (which I don't know why they would) "if you could be any animal,what would it be?" ever again, I will think twice before saying"a tiger...RARRRR" in my sexy voice,ever again!!! I will instead answer.."A BEAR!".
Why a bear? Because they hybernate! Cold weather and during PREGNANCY, that is what they DO ! I cant really sleep right now, but BOY IF I COULD! I love babies, but I don't like pregnancy all that much, but I love sleep.I dont dig cold weather,ecspecially in the Carolinas (ppl cant drive if an inch of snow meets the ground and flood the grocery stores like Hurrican Hugo is going to hit again)..I'd def sleep through that if I could. Oh,yeah!