Monday, April 27, 2009

I am about to LOOOOOOOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! WARNING....569 curse words that dont make sense together!!!!

Ok, so here goes. I am a total BITCH today, and maybe letting off a little bit of steam will help me to turn this "Psycho Woman" attitude around. Please BEWARE, you may not want to or even be able to understand ALL of my RANTING. Caution:Read atyour own risk! By doing so it, It may be hazardeous to your mood as well.
Just saying!
#1- Whoever says "PMS is not real" is full of shit. Up to their eyebrows in it! I am living proof that it is real, as real my 7th grade P.E teachers saggy boobs . I have had my stupid, universally hated,and plain old annoying, Aunt Ruby visit me 3 times in the past 6 weeks. To be honest with you, I wish this BITCH would just stay home, or at least give me a "friendlier" warning to let me know she is coming my way. The first time I was a bitch and had massive cramps, the second time (last week) I could barely notice her existence. This time,she wasn't expected, but boy was I EVIL TO The CORE Saturday and Sunday!!!! I mean EVIL! And today, well lets put it this way, not only did I contemplate putting myself on Craig's list to be married off to a wealthy old man,because I am "too stupid to work, at any job" but I am also "aging, and if you're a dumbass then you have to look good, and with neither of hoo" and then I started crying.

Then I decided to not pick up Nicks calls, but later called him, and told him to "put himself in my shoes and see how he felt". Well, he obviously doesn't know either A-where my shoes are located, or B-they don't fit...because he can't. He told me to "grow up"! GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!! That alone, made me (excuse me for seeming like a maniac for saying this) picture myself beating him in the head, violently with this copy (that the Hag Donna gave to me, when I first started- how nice!) of THE COMPLETE OFFICE HANDBOOK.
Now, on top of that, I have people calling me ALLLLLL day, asking for one of my owners (who wouldnt give me the answer to the questions that everyone is prying me for, because I am apparently "too stupid" to relay a message) and when I say "he isn there" or "is busy" or "is avoiding your fucking calls ,so sit on hold you loser!!!!" (I've thought about saying it)...they all want to know, "well I was calling (I dont give a shit WHY you were calling, just how to get you to the right person, one way or another) to see if you were bidding on the Fort Marlow (dont even go into the full name, ASSHOLE I have other calls coming through) Winston Cemetery (yep,there you go) in Cincinnati, (please tell me what state because I am a raging FUCKING lunatic, who doesnt already know)Ohio?" My answer "Yes, we are"...then the man with the very country accent goes on to ask "could you tell me how many square feet of----(at this point I am thinking "no, dickweed!!! If I could, do you think my lame ass would be sitting here listening to you douche bags all day, and looking up phone numbers in the yellow pages for every Tom, Dick, and I work for the FUCKING phone company( part of my job description?? no...especially not for people who do not EVEN WORK AT OUR COMPANY!!!!) It must be universally known that "there is this ex-blond dipshit working at the front office of ------------ who willl be anyones bitch if you ask her"" ) Anyways............I answer by stating "I dont know, you'll have to talk to ____ would you like his VM? " Over and over and over. What really gets my gut is when they start off by telling me "Hi, my name is Luther Van Dross from Omaha Hospital and I am calling for Skipper". I dont need all that. I can tell if you are legit by the way you ask for Skipper, and while you were giving me your life history two other lines rang, more than two times,and that is no good!!! See, if you were a sales person, you would start off by saying "Hi, how are you today?" (because no one of importance gives two flying shits how I am doing today! I dont write go back to being your normal assholish self, pecker head!) that's how I know that you arent a sales person. By the way that you say "hEy, where is Skip.....or Is Skip in the office? " I know who you are, as n importance to my Boss, so save the nice b.s....and dont give me your name until I ask.
Oh, and about instead of making such a big stink about going to lunch AFTER me, so you can come back 30 minutes late all of the time, and no one notices,try treating someone how YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED! but no....You are incapable of doing that! I know bc as soon as I get out of the car( if I am 5 minutes late, you're standing at the front door tapping your navy blue Aeresole!!! But if I am ON TIME, you don't leave until your damn good and ready!OMG, I just rushed MY ASS OFF TO GET HERE ON TIME (a.k.a eating my lunch in the car)so next time, BE FUCKING READY TO HAUL YOUR SAGGY ASS TO McD's, because "time is of the essence" and even though my BOSS'S dont see or care how you maneuver everything to YOUR liking, KARMA does, and it will sneak up on your persnickety ass!
Oh, and one more thing Big D....."Thanks a lot for all of your help with the safty manual for one of our owners, who thinks I just fell off the turnip truck!You retyping the logos on the first 3 pages, and reading over my work, really was hard work..Even HARDER I BET, was trying to pass all of my work off as your own, after you watched me scan over 500 pages,rename them (into something that worked becauseyour idea, no bloody good-all out of order) and print, while M.D was printing out personal emails in between all of my pages, and then after I got the printer to print mine on one side of the machine, and everyone else on the other, M.W had a fit because he didnt like the side his stuff was coming out of and messed mine all up again, so I had to refill the printer ONCE again-which ppl get all bent out of shape when there is no paper, pardon the fact that I just printed out 1000 pages for Big.D, and reprint the manual (which did waste tree's but so did whats-his -faces personal emails, who needs to print that dumb shit out anyways?). After I finished, I tired to ask a random question to hint to Mr.Boss that I was the working hands behind this (he who gives themselves credit, doesn't get it later, I know... I was desperate) and came up with a question so stupid that it only gave proof to him that I was a proverbial idiot. Later I decided instead of handing it back to you (to nitpick and take pages out, and pretend like something was wrong that wasnt just to make me work hard (yep biatch, the last copies you told me werent supposed to be in there, I saved in my desk- so this time when you said that they did-it didnt confuse me, I had them and that was quick fix) I went to Mr.Boss himself and told him that if "I screwed it up, please fire me, because obviously my mother was unaware of the fact that she raised a retard, and I am wasting my time working when there is a disability check waiting for me downtown." He actually smiled and said, "you said it not me". ha ha


  1. Oh my goodness. I'm kinda afraid to comment for fear that I'll be included in your next freeaaakkk out =)

    You're funny.

  2. Breathe in, breathe take that next shot of tequila.

    Hope you're day is getting better sweet girl! :)

  3. ahhhh it was a great day i see... right there with u... i hope tomorrow is a better day!!! ONLY FOUR (technically 3! ) MORE DAYS TO FRIDAY!!!

    im tagging u in a post btw


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