Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Burritos and pajamas

I am really sad that I cannot workout. I am sooo packing on the pounds and on top of that, am getting really tired and anemic feeling, and they say that exercsing is BAD for Anemia but GOOD FOR everything else.OOOOOOOh, how contradictory!

I am loving some FAKE-mexican food lately. I really dont like real mexican, its tastes dirty to me, but FAKE mexican (like Quodoba and On The Border) Ahhh. love them~!

Anyone have any tips on how to raise my iron REALLY quick so that I can get into the gym???? It would be greatly appreciated!

I am a "thin Cyster" Get it...Sister, Cyster? Bahahahhhha! ok-not really

I told myself that I would not be a blogger who blogs about one topic all of the time, and expects for people to give a rats ass. I am sure you all dont really want to read about the same damn thing everyday, right??? Ok, well....from the looks of things, you do. I know I do. I didnt think I did, but I keep going back to read about a woman who mostly writes about Renovating Her Brooklyn Limestone for ideas. It was refreshing to find out that Infertile Myrtle doesnt always talk about infertility, and her blogs are pretty amazing. I have already written about my stupid health problems (God knows that I feel like an old bat talking about them) but the more I read about my disease/problem,thorn in my side...whatever you want to call it, the more I want to share the news, and maybe helped and be helped by other women who have it.
I have told you before that I suffer from P.C.O.S.
Doctors still dont know much about P.C.O.S and if you find a doctor wo does, he/she is worth moe than her weight in Gold, really.
I read about P.C.O.S two years ago, and knew that it was what was wrong with me. I actually "stumbeled upon" this name while reading a Womens Health mag. I went to see doctor after doctor, even some of the "best" in my area. The last visit I had from a OBGYN "specialist" told me..."you are too thin to have P.C.O.S, and the hairs arent prominent enough". REally, lady....I am sorry that I have to tweeze every morning, and hd work today before coming in. If that had not been the case, I would have grown a full beard to prove it to you!" The thought of doing that, or the fact that my body could POSSIBLY (I dont know, never tried) do that...makes me want to cring and cry at the same time. Like I said, I have never gone a day without tweezing, so I dont know what could happen, but I do know that it is NOT normal. My boyfriend can tell you.
Truth be told, that in order to be diagnosed with P.C.O.S, you only need three symptons. You may not be overweight, you may not even have cysts, all you need are three underlying symptoms, and going to see a doctor who knew her shit, was well worth it to me!
I dont want to become pregnant again. I have no urge to ever mother another child. Its not that I dont love children, I do...its just that I realize how hard being a parent is, and I worry about and have such a bond with my daughter that I dont ever want to share that. I know that if I were to have more children, that it would come naturally to me, but I just can't imagine not playing favorites with her, even I said, I am sure Id love them equally.
I understand how painful it must be to be told that you CANT have children though. I love not always having my period and not having to worry with birth control, but I understand that to many women, this is a curse, not a perk!
I tried to take birth control for these painful cysts, and it was hell. Id rather be in pain. (by the way, Andrea was a miracle. All children are, but she was sent down to me because I asked, over and over. I didnt want to have more than one child, I just wanted one girl. I wanted her so bad, at a young age, because I think sub-conscoulsly....I knew that she would save me, and that she would be the only person who could teach me how to love unconditionally.She did! Like I said...I learn more from her than she does from me. I could teach her 15 different languages and she could be a math wiz at 8, but still-I learned more from her by the time that she turned 2, than any teacher could EVER teach her.)
Anyways back to what I was saying, many women are concerned about this disease because of the problems it causes trying to become pregnant. I, however am more shallow, and only concerned about the physical effects that it has, and the pain that it causes.
I have taken Metformin, Spironolatone,etc, and have had terrible side effects. Does anyone else want to share theirs?

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

A bit Naive

This story is very sad for me, and I feel so sad for these women and their families.I hate that this has happened to these women, really....but cmon.Seriously...they are being tried as SPIES, and they were somehow caught on the border, WITH CAMERAS, doing their "duties as journalists". Well, if I were in a CRAZY country like North Korea, and all paranoid like I am sure they are, I would think the same thing too! They should have stayed home, and know not to tread in those dangerous waters.I feel terrible for their families, and hate that these women are going through this, but now...thanks to them,and their curiosity, or their jobs, we might have another battle to fight. Why can't people just be PROUD TO BE AMERICAN, and leave everyone else alone??? Its funny to me that they were both Asian girls sent down there.OBVIOUSLY to not be too noticeable!If you are a Korean in China, it is very racist for you to think you will "blend in"...but in Korea...well that's a different story. If you dont believe me, go to your nail salon and call one of them Chinese or Korean, and go to your favorite Japanese resteraunt and call them Chinese. Asians know the difference, so I dont believe Al sent Korean girls to China to do a story, thinking they would blend in with the Chinese, and I dont think it is a coincedence that they were all Korean. I could be wrong. Hey, its happened before. Well, time I thought I was wrong, but wasnt...just "mistaken"-thats all ;)How do we know that they weren't trying to get a good story on North Korea, and just got caught, seems a little odd. Either way, I do pray for their safe return, but I do think it was a TERRIBLE MOVE to go out there to begin with.Also,I heard a girl reply back to someone who said something to the extent of "one of these women was a Mother of a four year old, and should know better".Then the other woman said "Why is it that Mothers should know better, but its okay for FATHERS to go to IRAQ or be police officers?".That's comparing Oranges to Apples, no WATERMELONS, sweetie! I guess it has something to do with our NATURAL maternal INSTINCT!!! Yes, a man CAN raise a child just as well as a woman, but its not as common, and we should WANT to be safe for our CHILDREN!She is not a soldier fighting for OUR COUNTRY,or a policeman trying to keep our streets safe (some I am sure aren't doing it for that reason, I am not 10 and don't need to be informed) she is a journalist, trying to make a buck on a story.Either way, no one should be put in harms way, but I think they knew the risks.

To my new Blog Friends

I am trying very hard to get to know you (okay a lil hard, I am lazy) and for some reason everytime I click on your name or pic, it says that your Profile is unknown. Hmmmmmmm......So, if you we havent met, please leave a comment ...just saying "hi" so I can click there and check out your blog. I am computer illiterate!

The few lyrics that made me LOVE this man

These lyrics are from the song you are hearing right now, the first one to pop up on my blog. I dont care what the media says about John Mayer, I love him, because I feel we all can relate to him!

I call
I just
need to feel you on the line
dont hang up this time
I know it was me who called it over ,
But I still wish you'd fought me until youre dying day
Dont let me get away!!!!
I cant wait to figure out whats wron with me
So, I can say this is the way that I USED to be!!!!
Oh, for the sadness.....split screen sadness!!!!

And another song of his that you hear on the radio, but you just DONT pay attention to. I heard it for the first time, on the way back from dropping Andrea off to her first day of pre-school and cried like a baby. It touched me because of my relationship with my dad, and hers with her dad....

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I canTo stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's leftCleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]

Monday, June 8, 2009

Why do they grow up!

I love my daughter more than ANYTHING in this world, but I dont like being a "parent". Why cant I just be her best friend, and then her shoulder to lean on when she needs one? why cant I just be the one she crawls up with when she is sick, and runs home to tell what boy she likes in school. Why do I HAVE TO be the bad guy sometimes.

I realized yesterday, that I spend more time making her clean her room, read, take a bath, getting her to dance and daycare and back, then I do...enjoying her. Why cant I let her room get extra dirty, and let her wear her hair with knots if she wants ? It's not fair. What about what I want? She is really growing up too fast, and soon enough, I wont be able to hold her anymore. She wont want to sit on my lap and have me rub her why cant I take these moments and hold them forever, and breath them in, never letting go? Why? ...bc if I dont tell her to clean her room and do all of these important things, it is actually just selfish and not benefiting her at all. I want someone else to do it. IF I were rich, I WOULD hire a Nanny, to train up my child, and let me be her VERY best friend. You can turn your nose up to that if you want. Id still be there for her whenever she needed me, no matter what, but I wouldnt have to parent at all. Id take her to school, pick her up and the Nanny would deal with all of the hard stuff (like making her clean her OWN room, instead of a maid) and making her look for her own shoes, instead of hanging them to her. Honestly I am sick of being the bad guy for a greater cause. I just want to love her all up, but I guess that is impossible. My duty isnt to be a best friend, but a PARENT, and honestly, a good one of those, is probably the best friend you can have in the long run!

How about you follow me, and I follow you, and we can walk around in big circles?

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