Wednesday, July 15, 2009

WOW!



It has been over a month since I have written! Wow, where has my mind been? I have "facebooked" myself out, but have not had one thing that was "good" enough to put into words, or so I thought. At this point, I am just going to write how I feel about random things.
It may be a big pile, but "hey, it is what it is". My thoughts are kind of jumbeled up lately!
Okay, so my daughter is gone to her fathers. I miss her TERRIBLEY, and have finally stopped crying. I wanted to save money while she was gone, but I didnt.....actually I am BEHIND on my bills. I swear, it's really sad, because I have nothing to show for it but a gut,love handles, and a cup size.
Thanks to all of the icecream that I have eaten.
I miss her, but I have a lil more time to save, if I stick to a budget (ugly word) before she gets home.
Having your child go on vacation may seem relaxing, but its really bittersweet. Really (duh)
I cut all of my hair off and it is what it is. I am not happy about it, but it feels like a weight is lifted off of my shoulders, and is actually a lil easier to maintain.
Michael Jackson died, (incase you have been hybernating). I have looked at a lot of people really differently since this incident. Okay, we know that he was a few sandwiches away from a picnic. Okay, he pretty much was just the basket and a bottle of water, and a few crumbs from years ago....but still. I feel soooo bad for him. I really thought (even during the trial) that he was a lost, tortured soul, that had bonds with children and animals because those were the only things he could trust, and he was right. Look how we (the media) scrutinized him. I just dont feel right about pointing the finger in blame when the WHOLE world is doing the same, and my heart tells me that there was more. I could be wrong, and for those who have said "and OJ is innocent, too-right". No, absolutly not (at least I dont feel that way). OJ didnt display the strange types of behavior that MJ did to make you believe that he had the mind of someone who was not BAD, but lost. OJ was angry, but I dont think that MJ was a molester, I think he was taken advantage of. What parent dangles there children in front of someone in question for millions? And you all saw him on the interview. He didnt think there was anything wrong with sleeping in the bed with his "friends". Not that it is right, but I think he was naive.The parents werent. Harm my child, and no money (although Id take that TOO) would be enough! Your ass would get locked up, before you could ever harm another soul.
Farrah Fawcett died as well (so did a few other celebrities, such as Ed Mcmahn (ms),etc). I didnt know anything about her, and was not a fan (I did looove her hair though) but her personal story was very touching. I cried the WHOLE entire time.
My job is driving me looney. Not "my job" but many of the people. It is like I am damned if I do,damned if I dont. I love many of the subs, and like some of the people I work with, but I swear, the economy is soooo bad, that many of the calls thatI get are soooooo ridiculous. I cant help but to feel angry when I get them, but afterwards,at night, I am struck with guilt and compassion for these people. Many of them have to call us LIKE CRAZY asking RANDOM questions about ANY jobs, even ones they dont know the names of and I cannot direct them to the right people bc they are as desperate for work as you can be, and I thank the LORD that I am not in that place. I need to ACT more compassionate instead of like a little snot, because that could be me and my child, and God knows that I would have it worse off than they do.
My parents are facing homelessness right now, and while I feel soooo guilty, they have made decisions time and time again that have led them to this place (my mother had a job last year and she quit because they made her sweep..............OMG). My poor dad is trying sooo hard, and would never ask me for a penny. But my mother hints, and makes me feel bad. I have paid bills for them in the past and right now, I cant-so............I dont know whether to change my numbers or deal, bc any time that I talk to my mom, it is the same thing, and although I tell her that I cant deal with it, she calls me, and weasels how bad is it into the conversation. Like I said, I want to help, I really do. It kills me not to, but I have my own family to take care of now, and I dont know how much longer I will be on my feet. The future is uncertain!
I am taking college courses soon to get my feet headed in the right diretion. I look at paralegal jobs and I make more than they do, without a degree, but I think its the "education" that I need, so *wish me luck*
Sorry if this wasnt "uplifting". Ill try in a few days ;)

2 comments:

  1. Hey girl! Long time no see! Your hair looks fabulous! I am sending positive thoughts your way!!

    ReplyDelete

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