I am sure many of you have friends who have this sweet demeanor and are very non-confrontational. I am not one of those friends. If something bothers me, I may (sometimes not) give it a little while to think over how to approach you, but you will get approached, and either the problem will get resolved, or we will agree to disagree. Rarely do we get angry with each other, but I will speak the truth as I know it, about my feelings,etc. I have learned recently that not all people are like that. There are a lot of things that seem like common sense knowledge that I have just recently learned, and one that seems obvious to others, but not to me, is that it is hard for some people to address you when they have a problem with something you have done. It however, is almost NEVER hard for these people to tell someone else who is having the same problem with you. I don't blame them for this. It is human nature. Some people call it gossip, but for those people who bottle it up, it is almost like therapy. It doesnt make them a backstabbing snake, unless when they are confronted, they lie, or try to place blame on someone else. Sometimes, they mean well, but don't know how to confront you.
Yesterday this happened to ME! Two girls at work were talking about me, nothing catty,
and it was a valid issue about my work ethic that they were speaking of.We will call them Sandy and Rose. Sandy is a little more outspoken, and came to me yesterday after her and Rose talked, and pretty much let me know that there was an issue, not in a mean way, and her being as honest as she is, when I asked who was talking about this with her she said,"Rose and I". What? Rose? Sweet, Rose? Rose is one of my FRIENDS at work (one thing I have learned is that co-workers are not always friends, but nice because it is professional, I respect that and do the same thing) but I considered Rose a true friend. We dont hang out on the weekends, but we talk on the phone sometimes, she helped me move some furniture once, and is my "lunch buddy". I think I know Rose pretty well. When I heard that Rose was talking about me, it stung. Worse than if almost anyone else in the office would. But in a way, it was almost necessary. Rose always see's the good in everyone, and rarely talks about anyone negatively. She is very tenderhearted, and like I said before, not confrontational. My first reaction with a "non-Rose,type" would be to tell them to "Go Kick Rocks", but #1 I am at work, and #2 I really like Rose. I know that if Rose said it, she meant it, and there was a problem. And there was. I called Rose and asked her, she was embarrassed, but admitted to everything. She told me that she didnt know how to tell me what she was thinking and that she was incredibly disappointed in herself for speaking about me to Sandy and not me. Not that anything is wrong with talking to Sandy about anything, just not about someone who you consider a friend, and not that friend. I told her that it was okay, we all have done it before, and that I thought it was kind of a "wake-up call".
Truth is, there is a problem at my job. I started seeing a Psychiatrist when I had 4 regular doctors try to put me on anti-depressants. "I dont feel depressed" was my reaction, and so I wanted an expert opinion. I knew I had anxiety, but that was it. Well, the Psychiatrist confirmed that I was depressed and explained that not everyone has suicidal thoughts, bouts of crying, fits of rage, or even a gloomy attitude, there are so many other symptoms. I still was not convinced.
Lately, I have had car problems, I have been sick, but also, I just dont want to wake up to go to work. I guess I feel as though I am unproductive and a waste of space at my job. I have asked over and over for more responsibility, but with all of the traffic that comes in the front door, it is important that I can talk to and assist everyone. But this is slow season, and I am rather bored. The weather is getting to me, and I maybe do feel a little more hopeless than I realized.
Yesterday, Rose saying something about it, opened my eyes, and made me want to put my best foot forward again. It was a wake up call, and in a strange way, I am thankful for it!