Anyone ever felt "Pregnant and Miserable

Holding a Baby

I held my best friends newborn baby yesterday for the first time,and I almost cried! She looked at me like I was strange,but "ohmyGod" My heart was beating out of my chest! This precious little person, this miniture human,stole my breath away as I held her naked (diapered body) against my chest. I cradled her precious little head in my hand,and I felt like I was home! It was sudden. Heather was changing her diaper and outfit,and the doorbell rang. She handed her to me,quickly, without notice for the first time,and I didnt want to let go.
It took me back to where I SHOULD have been when my daughter was born. Dont get me wrong,I had those feelings,but they came with time,after fear and lack of confidence left. If someone would have just handed her to me, like "here,take her"...I wonder if I would have not been so scared. Maybe I should have held more babies,but I don't think that mattered, I was just scared and unsure. Being so young has it's positives and negatives.
As I held that newborn beauty,(she reminded me of the cutest little monkey I had ever seen!!!) I wanted to breath her in! I remember feeling that way when Andrea was about 2 weeks old,when I could actually breath again. I remember knowing what it felt like for my heart to be so bare and naked and exposed that I understood what it meant to have it outside of my chest. But for the first few weeks, I was just too paranoid and scared. I was terrified,I didn't think I was qualified. I did until I saw her beautiful little face after delivery,and I remember (probably post-pardum depression induced)thinking, "Did God make a mistake? How could a fool like me, someone so unworthy,be granted this responsibility?" I walked on pins and needles and rarely slept,because I was too scared to miss something. This time around,with Nolan...I am happy to have the experience,and although I am sure I will still feel unworthy,I am excited to have a little more confidence when they first hand him to me. Those little moments count so much!

Men need Filters!!!

I am not a naturally pretty girl. SURPRISE! It doesn't take a ton to be presentable,but I do not wake up,shower, blowdry my hair and go. I need styling products,and a round brush,special conditioners,and a flat iron. After that I need something to tame the frizzyness. I could walk around without makeup, but everyone asks if I am sick. I am very irish, so my skin isn't pale,but another surprise...IM WHITE! Not olive,tan or rosey...yellowish,white,and dark circles show up under my eyes. I need AT LEAST powder,blush mascara and eyeliner to walk out of the house comfortably. I have to go to the gym. I like to have color of some sort,even if it is a faux tan. THAT IS JUST ME. I don't mind,because I am happy with the end result, but pregnancy adds new challenges to my daily rituals. I'm anemic,so dark circles and pale face is something I have gotten used to, so in order to go out and look healthy, I need more blush,bronzer,and concealor. No faux tanning,and I'm advised NOT to exercise,so........I don't FEEL pretty. Nick called me "ugly" today,supposable joking. I don't get the humor. I'm normally like "whatever" to that type of thing,but right now...I FEEL UGLY! I don't know whether to crawl under a rock,or kick him in the face! UGHHHH! Why can't men just watch their mouths like we do? Do I tell him if his breath stinks,or his shirt make his new growing gut look big, NO! Do I tell him that I hate his cologne,that he thinks smells sooooo great? NO...maybe I should! Nope, because we as women are better than that. God gave us filters!!! Thankfully, so now I dont feel like a pompous ass, like he probably does as he sits alone in the other room.

Junior's Cheesecake

Has anyone ever been to Juniors Cheesecake in Brooklyn. I try to stay away from Brooklyn....and up North all together. I went to NYC once and not only were people terribly rude to me and did not say "good morning" or "hello" in return when I said so while walking down the street,but the sales clerks weren't even nice,and someone stole my camera and ran off with it. I did however meet a really nice "tap" dancer (or at least she called herself that,because she tapped nude on some stage) in a really popular Italian Resteraunt where Garfield was created.(dang it,what was the name of that resteraunt?). I wasn't really impressed. Not so much that I would travel back. But, I may actually make a trip out to Brooklyn for Junior's Cheesecake,IF THEY WERENT SO KIND AS TO DELIVER, or should I say "ship" it to your house for $41! Hey, but it's a whole pie! I am dying for a piece now. I saw it on tv, and my mouth started watering the way a dog's does as it stares at you with no pride in front of the dinner table! Has anyone ever had one of these pies (or even a slice?) bc I am going to be one pissed off preggo lady if I order a forty buck pie and Sarah Lee does it better!

Why I Wear a Mask

As many of you know,I am pregnant,and a full time student (which kinda blows) who is about to drop my intermediate math (its basically an L.D math class) because it is too hard. I am however doing well at my other courses. In one class I had to write a relationship essay, dealing with personal addiction or a daily ritual. This was going to be tough.
I learned early on that in writting,you often write about what you can support,or have knowledge of, not necessarily what is true or what you really feel. I could write a lot about an addiction to heroine or Meth. although I have never done either,I could find a lot of info on the net to write about and support clearly. That would be interesting too. Everyone would love reading about how they are in class with a junkie...but since I am pregnant and dont want DSS called, I had to rule out drugs,alchohal,and for self-respect,ciggerettes. So what does that leave me? Coffee (taken)and excercise. Can't be too addicted,I am about to have the baby in class. So, I wrote about makeup. Hey,it's not necesarilly an addiction,but it is a daily ritual that is not hurting anyone (ok,you tree huggers. Picket somewhere else,I went to a Paul McCartney concert too,and felt like a murderer then,so save it). Is it superficial and shallow,yes, Clever,no. But, oh well. I could support my topic. Now, if the bitch would just grade it so I can breath again!
I started it with a quote from The Princess Bride that says " Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid or something? Oh, no. It's just that they are terribly comfortable. I believe that in the future,everyone will be wearing one.
Then I go on to talk about my daily ritual as though it is a mask, or face transplant,never really saying that it is "makeup", and I talk about the love hate relationship I have for it,and how I feel uncomfortable without it. How I can't vacation without bringing it with me,and how it can be a source of comfort and stress for certain things that I do in life. If I could copy and paste Word 2010 (its a trial,dont get all jealoous) to this stupid blog I would,but just like with math,I guess I am computer LD,as well.
Ciao for now!

Let me try this...um..."I'm a redneck WOMAN" yehaw???? Believe me? GOOD!

Nick found a house in Dallas! Not Dallas, Texas...not not that sophisticated. Dallas, NC!!! I don't know if many of you have heard about GASTON COUNTY, or ever heard of GASTONIA, NC...but if you haven't, you are missing much, besides a few good laughs.Dallas, NC is on the border of Gastonia.

Ahhh, Gastonia! Where "Sweet Home Alabama" plays loudly as though the residents might somehow really believe that they live in Alabama, because they are so drunk that they dont know where or who they are from drinking BUSCH beer since they dropped out of 2nd grade. Where Dental work is done with pliers,The Flea Market is like Rodeo Drive,and people bleed SUNDROP! I have not heard of many people make it out of Gastonia and onto "greener pastures",well accept Jamie Pressley, who can probably credit her believable role of "JOY" on MY Name Is Earl, to living in this town,and knowing a few "Joy's" in her time!

You just dont know a redneck unless you travel to Gastonia!And who doesn't think they know one or two?

Well, obviously Nick doesnt. Charlotte is growing soooo rapidly that many of it's Natives,move to the outskirts,and Dallas has not developed too rapidly,land is cheap,and it's only around 20 miles North of downtown Charlotte, so Nick and many of his co-workers have set their eyes on this area!

(Note: This being the reason Gastonia now has a Pier 1 and a Panera Bread. Natives of the GAS HOUSE, know nothing of either)

Well, my lovely Nick found us a darling houseplan and has picked up the necessary paperwork today to start construction.....oh, if he only changes his mind. I love the house, I love the neighborhood and land,and more than anything, I'd love to move before Nolan arrives, but............. do I know what I am getting myself into. That is the question! Oh, or "does he". Nick likes to Fish...I think he thinks that is redneck enough to fit in...boy does he have another thing coming.LOL

All I need to do to fit in (like I care to try), is bake at the tanning bed,get a few cup sizes bigger in implants,and walk around barefoot in the yard with a baby on my hip (oh and acrylic nails and Marlboro Lights)...Nick, he is in a world of a surprise. How funny!

Next time I get asked "What animal would you be" I am going to say "BEAR"!

Ha Ha, I just lost a follower or too! That's funny,bc I dont write much, but I am sure it had something to do with the "I dont like outsourcing" Blog. Sorry, I dont. I dont like old drivers,either.IF you're physically unable to put your foot on the gas hard enough to go over 25,or cant SEE THE SPEED LIMIT, your liscense should be revoked! If that statement pisses you off,feel free to "stop following" also. Good riddens! :)
Anywho, back to the topic. If someone ever asks (which I don't know why they would) "if you could be any animal,what would it be?" ever again, I will think twice before saying"a tiger...RARRRR" in my sexy voice,ever again!!! I will instead answer.."A BEAR!".
Why a bear? Because they hybernate! Cold weather and during PREGNANCY, that is what they DO ! I cant really sleep right now, but BOY IF I COULD! I love babies, but I don't like pregnancy all that much, but I love sleep.I dont dig cold weather,ecspecially in the Carolinas (ppl cant drive if an inch of snow meets the ground and flood the grocery stores like Hurrican Hugo is going to hit again)..I'd def sleep through that if I could. Oh,yeah!

Monday Tirades

Okay, this makes me sound VERY rude,and small minded,and "politically incorrect", but you have to excuse me. I'm from the south andI either dont know any better,or am too backwards to fake that I care! (as any one who even TRIES to argue this,does)
I am soooooooooooooo sick of the companies that I chose to buy products from,outsourcing their CUSTOMER SERVICE jobs to other countries. Sprint,and now HP!!! If I am having a problem with my computer, to the point where I am calling and waiting on the phone for 30 minutes....I WANT TO UNDERSTAND THE PERSON WHO I EVENTUALLY GET A CHANCE TO TALK TO!!!!
....who are the companies REALLY thinking about when they outsource these jobs? We all know it isn't the well being of the prospects wanting employment, but .....are they thinking about their customers either?

Baby, I'm BACK!

<----This a picture of my big preggo belly! I am in the pantry at Nicks momma's house. I dont like taking preggo pics because I am vain and superficial,so this may be as good as it gets for a while. :D

So much has happened recently, that I do not know where to begin!

I'm having a boy named "Nolan Grey" in early March. So excited!

Andrea is losing all of her teeth, or so it seems and is trying to take all of my money for them. What the heck am I gonna do for these teeth. Whoever came up with the idea of a tooth fairy, had a money tree,and a slight case of lunacy!

I lost my job...but whatever. I get UNEMPLOYMENT, along with half of the town I live in,and I cant think of a better time,than when you are pregnant as all get out,and cant sleep. Or when you have a beautiful newborn....and cant sleep.

BTW...What's up with the pregnancy induced insomnia? Really. I read somewhere that it is your body's way of getting you prepared for the loss of sleep when you have a newborn. Really? How freakin' nice!!! I personally dont like the way my body "tells" me things that far into the future. That's like giving old people constant mini-strokes to "prepare" them for the real thing. Um......."no thanks"!

Oh...and the same goes for the Braxton Hicks "practice" contractions that are so intense that you almost wet yourself. I can do without...and I am sure the triage nurses at the Maternity wards could too.

Anywho......what was I saying (pregnancy brain....as if I wasnt flighty enough)

Oh....I lost my job, but make out better, because of travel expenses and also because I am .....ABLE TO GO BACK TO COLLEGE!!!! Yay! I am taking the courses needed to start nursing school and I AM FREAKIN' ECSTATIC!!! I'll tell you more about this later.

But anyways, I wanted to update ya, like you really cared. You will be hearing from me a lot in the near future! Muah!!!!

Baby Names

I need ideas for boys and girls. I know,I know...I have 5 months, but time FLIES! So.....any ideas?