$pend right now, People! Tips from someone with BAD CREDIT!

ok, no don't! Not in excess. I am IN NO WAY a financial advisor. I can however advise you how to NOT spend your $$$.
I believe that I have shared with you all that I have a rather large mouth. Not that I tell others secrets, because anyone who knows me knows that is not the case. But my mouth is rather large when it comes to my own personal business. Just big enough to place my foot in it. It rarely comes out.
I will tell you what is in my medicine cabinets,how many (although not details and who) people I have slept with, and what I think about ANYTHING, within knowing you for a very short time. Do I say it inappropriate settings?No. But, I am upfront and honest. Love me FOR ALL OF WHO I AM, or hate me for it. At least there are no uncertainties. Life is full of them, I try not to be.
One things I have felt rather embarrassed talking about has been my credit. I made some terrible mistakes when I was younger, and lived by the "out of sight, out of mind" rule. I didnt look at the bills, so they werent there.
Interest did NOT SEEM FAIR to me, so I refused to pay it! And when the bills kept coming, I quit paying.
I was not careful in the least.
My Mother was the same way. She was an impulse shopper, who wrote bad checks, and my father always came to her rescue.

I got ONE credit card at the ripe age of 18, and totally screwed it up! I was warned not to get one by my parents so I hid the bills.After that I never got another credit card. EVER!
I have medical bills that need to be payed off, from when I waited tables.
Besides that, I have a student loan that I let go into DEFAULT.Can you BELIEVE IT???? UGH!
I was overwhelmed and thought, "out of sight, out of mind". I paid for what I needed THEN. Clothes , Cash! Car, Cash! Furniture,CASH! I paid my rent and electricity on time.
I had NO debt in my own eyes, oh but boy did I! I tried to get a car, and got turned down. I then realized that this was a problem!
But there are some GREAT THINGS about having bad credit. Really!!! And I will explain.
See, while my friends have excellent credit, they also have more credit cards and more STRESS! As the economy gets worse, and people are losing their jobs, this is ONE MORE THING to feel AWFUL about.
I couldnt get a $40,000 car if I wanted one.
I was happy with my car, and not having a payment made it easier for me to go out and buy all of the clothes that I wanted. Here recently my car started to act up, and I have to budget if I have another monthly payment.
I started to work things out with creditors and repair my credit. The student loan in a few months will show up POSITIVE on my credit and will actually NEVER SHOW THAT I WAS EVER IN THE DEFAULT. They have already done this with MOST of it, I have a few more monthly payments to make.
I am working something out with this credit card company also.
I have NO other credit cards to worry about.
My job seems stable enough. While many other people are getting laid off, I see my Boss as a great businessman.
He told me that during the Great Depression one of the BIGGEST problems was FEAR in itself. He asked me to read up on Irving Fisher, and so I did.
"Irving Fisher was an American Economist, health campaigner, and one of the earliest American neoclassical economists and, although he was perhaps the first celebrity economist, his reputation today is probably higher than it was in his lifetime. Several concepts are named after him, including the Fisher equation, Fisher hypothesis and Fisher separation theorem.

He then outlined 9 factors interacting with one another under conditions of debt and deflation to create the mechanics of boom to bust. The chain of events proceeded as follows:

1. Debt liquidation and distress selling

Contraction of the money supply as bank loans are paid off

A fall in the level of asset prices

A still greater fall in the net worths of business, precipitating bankruptcies

A fall in profits

A reduction in output, in trade and in employment.

Pessimism and loss of confidence

Hoarding of money

When I qualified for credit cards, my income wasnt high enough. If my credit would have been higher, I would not have been as responsible as I am, and would not only not have the $ to pay them off, but also not had the discipline, and repairing my credit would not have been as easy.

I also would not be able to purchase a home at such a low cost right now, because my debt wouldnt have allowed me too. I wouldnt really HAVE as much money, as my credit cards said I did, and it would be a never ending cycle.

While my credit DOES show how I once was, it is getting much better and is showing where I am NOW! And I am GRATEFUL that The Lord allowed me to make the mistakes that I made with my credit, that I am able to negotiate and pay people back without it negatively effecting me, and when it does that it is not holding me back from getting what I can AFFORD. I am also grateful that The Lord showed me the importance of NOT BORROWING from everyone. When all you have is cash, you learn to spend is more wisely when no one is going to bail you out.

And now I can take advantage of that lesson and these blessings .

DONT SEND THE LETTER!!!!!!!!

You know how everyone always tells you it is so therapeutic to write a letter to someone to get things off your chest. I did that today, and boy was it therapeutic. Until I sent it. I guess you aren't supposed to send the therapeutic letter. Now I am sooo mad at myself, because it rambeled and rambled. I said nice things and not so nice things. I did this over Myspace for crying out loud. I never check my Myspace page.I wasn't going to send it, then in a moment of "what the heck". I did.
A few minutes later, I forwarded the message to my friends dad, who is like a Father to me. He said it did not do me justice. I knew that. I wouldn't usually have sent it. IT's was years and years worth of blah blah.
Needless to say, I had to delete my myspace page. I tried to delete just the message but that didn't work. I hope she doesn't check her messages in the next 48 hours. AAAAH! I am so stupid for doing that.
I normally wouldn't care, but it is my Daughters Step Mom, and it would be better if (for my daughters sake) I left some things unsaid. Now it's too late.
Reminds me of a John Mayer song. MY STUPID MOUTH, HAS GOT ME IN TROUBLE.I SAID TOO MUCH AGAIN.
I think I like the way my foot tastes. I really must. It stays in my mouth constantly.

Tribute Doll for Kaylee Anthony...Are you Serious?

I heard on the radio, that a Jacksonville toy company, Showbiz Promotions has created a Caylee Sunshine Doll, in Tribute to Caylee Anthony . This doll is supposed to look exactly like the late Kaylee Anthony and even sings "You Are My Sunshine" just like she did in the home video that is going around YouTube at the moment.

"Showbiz Promotions came under fire earlier this week after announcing it would sell the blond, 18-inch Inspirational Caylee Sunshine Doll for $29.99. The doll plays the song "You Are My Sunshine" when her bellybutton is pushed"

Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely TERRIBLE? And $29.99?????????? Are you Serious?

It's beautiful to pay tribute to this beautiful child whose life was cut WAY too short. That is fabulous. Do so by giving money to the many charities that were created to help find missing children. Write a big fat check and in the bottom left corner write "In Honor of Caylee Anthony". ( I don't follow this story because it sickens me so much to think of how horrible people can be. I can tell you that I ,for one, have no doubt in my mind that This Grandmother loved this child VERY much, and that it has saddened these parents more that words can express. I don't know the inside details of this family, but I can tell you that YOU CANNOT TALK OF ONE PERSONS JOURNEYS until you have walked a day in their shoes. I can not imagine that it is EASY to look at your daughter with convicting eyes. We all want to imagine that our children are incapable of wrong doings.ESPECIALLY to that degree. I think the media should be easier on this FAMILY, do what you have to do to investigate but save your scrutiny for after the trial, if you need to do so. I have said it time and time before, during Public Trials,even during the Michael Jackson trial (if HE WERE INNOCENT, how terrible would you feel if you were the cause of this mans sadness. IF he really DID just love these children because he felt like a kindred spirit and maybe needed therapy, how terrible would we feel? Not to say that he was.If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it sure as hell ain't a DOG! But sometimes things aren't what they appear and until facts are found, too many people have been treated unfairly in our judicial system.Too many people have been wrongly accused and the media can be unforgiving. But all the same, too many killers walk free, and it's best to let the courts do the work and the jury to make decisions. As you can see recently, this family is in pain, regardless of what WE say. WE were not there)

Don't have much money? Give a little check or see what you can do for someone else in a situation where authorities cannot find a missing Child. I am a FULL BELIEVER IN PAYING IT FORWARD. It may not be The Anthony's you are helping, but unfortunately things like this happen more than we would like to think.
But making a pretty penny off of the murder of an innocent sweet baby is TERRIBLE! EVIL! You can sugarcoat it, wrap it in pretty pink paper and have it smell like daisies and it is still evil, and this is exactly what the man (I hate to refer to him as a man, I'll just call him " Mean Ol' Demon, employed by the Devil") excuse me, Mean Ol' Demon, employed by the Devil is doing. I am sure it is a beautiful doll. I can't imagine anything in this child's(or any child) image not being angelic, but so were many of the other sins that Satan created.
........And to top matters off, he wasn't even TRYING to donate any of the $$$ to charities.

He has postponed the release of the doll. I am sure his lawyers, not conscience, advised him to do so.
To you, Mr.Mean Ol' Demon, working for the Devil , I really hope that you have a change of heart FOR GOOD, and that you make ONE DOLL, give it to the family of this child ( innocent 'til proven guilty people, I said "family" though, not Mother) and attached with it, an apology letter. I think it would be best if you didn't sell your story either. God Bless You!

Also....I just found out that A New Orleans Witch Dr is selling a Casey Anthony Vodoo Doll on Ebay. OMG! Are you SERIOUS?AreYOU SERIOUS? Really...ARE YOU?
What has this world come too? At least this lady has a little more respect (not much more at all) for the slain child, in the fact that she is.............. WAIT what am I saying? She is still making MONEY off of the poor childs murder!!!!!! She is just more flamboyant in her evil ways.It's pretty obvious who she is working for, so I wont even say it again. Or will I? Mrs.Demon Lady, employed by the DEVIL! You both should be ashamed of yourselves.

HEY!

If you stop here, please check out Jackie-Ohhhs Smashion Fashion. My other Blog. Its kinda cute (I think) bot corney. Just peep at it, and thats all. Just a peep :)

Sat night!!!!
Geez, can someone tell me how to post a video from your phone on here. That would be helpful!

Here are some pictures of my HOT MAMMA's out on Sat night. I love these GIRLS :)
Ashley had a cute lil cake and a cute lil dress, and I left after dinner bc I didnt want to fight crowds and "clubby people" at "clubs" arent my cup of tea. Im too lazy to kiss butt bc someone is "someone" in the nightclub scene, or a football player, and I am way too irratated with men,to accept a drink from a man, then let him cling to my side for it for the rest of the night hoping he can get laid. I DONT NEED YOUR DRINK,I'll buy my own, in the long run, its cheaper and more convienent. I have a boyfriend to go home to, and even if not........I'm worth way more than anything you can give me in one night. My time is, my body is, and my mind is.........I think we all are, if we give ourselves the credit to be. If you dont, well thats you...and with that attitude , you arent. Go be a $100 bill,selling yourself for a nickle..

Nick was supposed to move out Friday, but he got the stomach flu.Convient. I had to take care of him, which OF COARSE, brought us closer together. But, he didnt feel well enough to go with me Sat night, also convienent.
Ashley has a lot of friends.I had no idea. I think some are "friends" and others are "going out friends". I didnt get a good vibe off of two of "going out friends". One was a lil loud mouthed, and and The other one that I didnt trust was because of the look on her face, I dont know, she is easy to read. But once I thought one of her friends was rude, and I breifly spoke w her in the bathroom, and she seems nicer than I thought so...oh who am I to judge anyone! Just needed to put that out there...like I am in confession or something.
I have a problem with people who dont speak and act sociable. I know that many ppl are insecure or scared to talk, or shy, and in that case, when someone DOES talk to you, at least smile and agree. IF you act like a dry peice of TOAST, and I am nice to you, please understand that it IS an insult to be too quiet and IGNORE ME.I'm not annoying or in your face. I have plenty of friends, if I come over and introduce us, its because I want you to feel welcome, because I know I havent seen you, or you have no one around you and I dont want you to feel left out.
So, I am judgemental to those types of people. I prob dont need to be
As for the rest of the night went, I left early-like I said, had good dinner,and got a laugh or two along the way. GOt home early to take care of Nick, but he was asleep. Ive been sleeping a lot lately. Andrea was with Family... I had that planned before I knew he was gonna be sick, and glad I kept the arrangments, because he couldnt have been worth anything to watch her that night. Sunday...we all did a lot of nothing, besides watch tv. Andrea and I watched Movies and scrapbooked, cooked and icecream and then zzzzzzzzz time.My house is a mess :(

Cold Oatmeal on Mondays

I watched Grand Torino (?ms?) last night. OMG! I cried and cried. This WAS handsdown, the best movie I have seen all year!!!!!! Better than Twilight ( nothing compares to that book though. If I must say so myself. My copy of the book is getting passed around Jodi's grandmothers nursing home right now-You know it is good when a teen book ,is read by a Mother in her late twenties, then passed around a nursing home-sorry, ASSISTED LIVING COMMUNITY)Back to my movie. I loved it. I loved it's honest approach to life,death,religon,race,neighborhoods in America,etc,etc. I just would like to see Clint Eastwood not be the hardcore hero one time!!!! Just once before he retires.. If I were in a nursing home, I'd def like him, instead of John Mayer. He would be very HOT to me :) If you can't decide what movie to see with your husband or the girls, this is a good flick regardless. Very touching, but it has CLINT EASTWOOD in it.

The last Clint Eastwood flick I saw on a date was Million Dollar Baby. I sobbed, uncontrollably.Snotty nosed and all. Maybe you should know that guy pretty well before you see any newer Clint Eastwood flicks. Unless you're going for the damsel in distress,even in the movie theatre, softie role. I don't know, I think that is tacky.... but after 2 years, Nick has seen me cry over not finding my earring. I don't think he or I care anymore.

Ok so this movie is baced on the life of Walt Kowalski, a racist,opiniated,bitter ,Korean War Vet, who has recently become a widower. He has become the minority in the neighborhood where he and his wife shared a home.After a neighborhood gang bullies his young neighbor into stealing Walt's Grand Torino, he reluctantly becomes a hero to the neighborhood as he protects the young boy, and his family from what this neighborhood has become, and learns all about true friendship, love,loyalty, and Life in the meantime. Great,great movie. I hear it will be Clint Eastwoods last. (he is 79).

What am I talking about again. IS the coffee ready???????? UGH!

Happy Birthday Ashley!!!

I DONT WANT TO GO DOWNTOWN TO YOUR PARTY, but I LOVE YA SO MUCH, I WILL COME AND GRACE YOU WITH MY PRESENCE.ha ha-jk, kinda, but not really!
I just dont like driving downtown, can you have your party at Chili's or something, instead of a martini bar? JK, I AM just kidding there. Chili's isnt as much fun, and there are a lot of rednecks on the weekend. Plus, Ill pay $12 EXTRA dollars for fresh food, not just a bigger frozen dinner at Chili's.
I heart you Girls very much, so I cant wait to attend any of your bday bashes, and the fact that you guys dont think that shopping and going to the movies is exiting enough for mine, I will let that slide -because you make it every POST Christmas.And you are always read to pounce on Nick if I'd let u, no matter how big of a nut I am. I Miss and just love your face, FRIEND!!!
Happy Bday, HOOKERFACE!!!

Part Two, to The Other Post...

Well, thanks for the support DARLING! I took Lexapro at one time, but it made my tummy hurt. And I took Paxil, and Prozack, Prozack made me a COMPLETE ZOMBIE, and Paxil made me zombie enough to where I could spill my drink in my lap and just sit in it, carefree, and have night terrors. SO, cumbalta and lexapro worked for me, just cymbalta doesnt make me feel like I can up-chuck, without upchucking.
I dont know that I was ever REALLY depressed. I might be for a day or so, but I was just moody and mean sometimes. OVER-emotional, with people who I was close with (family or boyfriends) and then other times cold and isolated.
I thought it was PMS, even after dr.s TRIED to prescribe me things time and time again. It wasnt until I deveolped OCD, which led to Anxiety, which led to Panick Attacks that I took something. Then it was diffucult to take, so I didnt regularly.
...and as far as the ADD med...(hyper crazy pills). I struggled with that ALL through school, and wouldnt take my meds. WIsh I had b/c it would have helped. Im not hyper, just flighty and forgetful, and if that doesnt seem bad enough for meds.......meet my mom. She can never find her keys or her wallet, or Birth certificate, daydreams while driving, has been in a wreck, and still doesnt know how to use a remote, bc she didnt pay attention close enough 30 years ago, and cant sit still to figure it out.

Dreams Suck

I only have to work until 2 today, which is great. Andrea's teachers must like to work VERY hard, because they sure do have a ton of workdays.UGH! I am expecting Andrea to be in calculus next year, considering how hard these teachers work.
Anywho, I had to bring her to work with me.
I don't mind telling people online this, because #1 I can't see you, and #2, it really isn't anything to be ashamed of. I don't tell people I don't know very well ususally, not because I am ashamed, but I guess that it is not proper, but.........I'm on anti-depressants and just now some kinda hyper people pills, called Concerta. SO I take Concerta AND Cymbalta. THEN...to top it off, they prescribed me Klonopin to sleep. GEEZ! I went to a Shrink after the bottom fell out of my life when my parents crap happened, almost 2 years ago, and this is what I walked out with. A therapist who I love, and drugs!!! I will tell you more about that later, but I have been very anti-drug even prescription (mind altering or habit forming) for years, and still to this day, blame Xanax for my Mothers backslide.
So, I am taking these meds, and they make me not sleep, so since I sleep lightly anyways, I take Klonopin to sleep,but it makes it hard to wake up.So, I haven't taken them lately, haven't slept with Nick in a while.
Last night I started dreaming VERY vividly about John Mayer. I think I love him!!! ha ha, but I do...really. It's no joking matter.I don't know if I love HIM, but I sure do love the guy in my dreams who looked and sounded like him. Ugh, same way with Nick these days. I LOVED the guy I thought he was, and that is why I havent left him. I hated that I kept waking up, but my dreams stayed the same when I fell back asleep, and when I woke up, I was happy, but now I am kinda disappointed. I don't want to have those type of feelings for any man again. MAKE BELIEVE feelings. I always do that, and its not fair to anyone, and that dream was a reminder of it. Does anyone know of a place to get a dream catchers that works???

A Now and Later NOW, or a Now and Later -LATER...OR NEVER!!!

Now and later, I'd like a kiss on the cheek or forehead. Ok, so you forgot to take out the trash, or you hogged the remote.All it takes is one small kiss, and the rest is history.That's my payment, and it is cheap if you ask me. My daughter knows this. She's 5. It's not brain surgery.
See, around these parts, I am the HEAD HONCHO. I DO ALL THE DIRTY WORK. I GET stuff done! Oh, yeah...I said it. I let you hold that remote.Why? Because I am quietly doing more important things. In the scheme of things, my life will be more memorable. I will not be appreciated TODAY, but one DAY, I WILL BE. When she is a 25 year old Newleywed, and laundry is overflowing, the sink if overflowing and her husband is out watching the game with his friends, and she has been talking to "this company" and making "this appointment" and waiting on hold for "those Dr.s", she'll appreciate me. She will look at herself, and say "I am my MOTHER".And the chain begins. Her daughter will do the same. What rewards we don't get here on earth, will be given in Heaven, and some when everyone gets older.I know from experience.
So, while I wipe my brow, pick up laundry, work 40 hours a week, get up to get everyone off to work/school, make lunches,take everyone to appointments,and her to dance, and get your things to go fishing, she knows that it is not easy. You know that it is not easy. You tell me to relax. She just gives me a kiss on the forehead and says "you're the Best Mommy" . All she does is look into my eyes, and I melt. THAT WAS A REWARD in itself. The oppurtunity to get a chance to take care of her is a blessing IN ITSELF. I am overjoyed to get to do it.
So last night when you told me that you felt as though you were missing something or that your life was empty, I should have been more conccerned or sad for you. Instead I said " that is too bad, honey! My life is so full! I may be a slave in your eyes, and I may be underpaid and underappreciated. My hair is dark because I dont have the time or energy to go to the salon anymore, and I dont feel outwardly beautiful all of the time. But I feel good in my heart.People chase money and status, and when you get that let me know how you feel...because I may not have it, but I AM happy, and I feel fullfilled. I give to other people because I love them, and one day that will be poured back on me, if it hasnt been already. They may not love me, they may not pour it on me, but the learning experience,the universe,GOD will pour it back on me, either in my heart, or in heaven. I doubt it will be material, because I dont YEARN for that, but it may be.But it will be poured over me, just as much or as little as I poured it out. SO you take that for what it is worth. When you are sitting on the couch with your remote, who are YOU pouring anything out to? YOURSELF? Half-hearted? Well, that says it all. Many rich men get addicted to drugs,gambling or women....and die unhappy. Take that for what it is worth also"
This morning, as I slept on the couch, you gave me a kiss on the forehead as I slept. Why Now, ususally you say "Later" when I ask for anything. Ive been asking for a kiss on the forehead silently for 6 months! Is it because you think you'll NEVER be able to give it to me again???? Which is it.


This is what you sent me this morning.....
I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the choices I make everyday. It's my personal approach that creates the climate. It's my daily mood that makes the weather around myself and others sunny or rainy. As a human being, I possess a tremendous power to make others' lives miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and another person humanized or dehumanized. It's all up to me ( or you now).